Seriously, how can it already be the middle of October? What happened to September? Or August? Or summer in general for that matter? And even more importantly, how can it be Sunday already, and I have yet to have a moment of peace and quiet this weekend?
I don't know what is going on with life lately. Maybe it's just me, and I have once again managed to say "yes" to way too many things. Or maybe the world is slowly going by faster and faster. I don't know. All I know is that it's the middle of October, and at the rate work is going, I should probably be planning my Christmas shopping real soon, or it's never going to get done, and OMG, when I am going to find time to do that.
OK, deep breath.
So I'm sure that everyone knows about the mess that is the US government right now, right? (And no, I am not changing the topic, this is going somewhere, I promise). And we all know how because they can't seem to work it out like most normal people can, close to a million people have been sent home this past week. In fact, in our street, we have several working couples who got to make do without a paycheck this week. The same couples who just spent all their savings surviving the furloughs this summer. And in case you were wondering, husband-dear is still heading into work each day, and still getting paid. We think. But although we all know that is sad and bad and just not-good all around, is there anyone else out there who, like me, secretly wishes they too would get sent home? Am I the only one who wishes that they too could get furloughed? Anyone?
When I was younger, you know, not too long ago, I knew I was driven. And motivated. And possibly slightly neurotic about doing well. But I figured it would pass as I grew older and more mellow. Because that's what people do, right? They mellow out, slow down, and stop to smell the roses more? Well, the rosebushes in my front yard have literally become an unholy mess this summer, because I haven't taken the time to smell nor to trim them. For me, it would appear that aging means an even greater desire to prove that I am good enough. And nice enough. And smart enough. Which entails saying "Yes! Great idea!" to everything everyone proposes. Research project on the side? Sure! Chair of the IRB? I'd be honored! Another research project? Of course! Co-writing a grant with a local hospital? Absolutely! Chair the international fair on campus! Naturellement!
It just never ends.
Obviously, the solution is to just start saying "no". Or at least checking my calendar/my gut/my conscience (aka husband-dear) before enthusiastically galloping away with another time-sucking responsibility. But people, I am just like Ado Annie from Oklahoma! I can't say no. I just can't. I would, so it seems, rather spend a Sunday afternoon grading than mountainbiking with the husband because I spent so much time on side projects during the week, than tell someone no. Is the world going to come to an end when I say no? Obviously not. I know my students won't care if their midterm grade doesn't include this paper. Neither will my chair. Or the dean. No one will care. Except me.
So where does this pressure come from? Honestly, I have no idea, but I see women around me doing the exact same thing I do all the time. They might not do it in their career, but they might be killing themselves trying to be the best, coolest, most educated mom out there. Or they might be holding their bodies to some randomly set, impossible to maintain, pre-neanderthal standard. Or they might be pushing themselves through school to get that oh so coveted second degree. Or trying to be the most hip blogger the intertubes have ever seen.
People freak out because they're furloughed, but are they freaking out because they aren't getting paid, or because they now suddenly have to face themselves without the safety of their careers to hide behind? I'm sure losing a paycheck doesn't help, but let's be honest, how many of us say things like, "If I win the lottery, I'd have work at something or I'd lose my mind"? (and yes, I am one of those people).
I guess my point, if there is one, is that of all the things I like to think I'm good at, I suck at the most important thing: being OK with doing less. Or, gasp, nothing at all. And I think, looking around me, I may not be the only one. So how about we all just a day off next week and do absolutely nothing? We can call it a demonstration against postmodern cultural demands or something equally intelligent, but we'll all know it's really just an old-fashioned pajama day. I say we synchronize planners and find a day that works and make it happen. Only I can't do tomorrow. Or Tuesday, I have to chair a meeting that day. Oh, and Wednesday is midterms, and on Thursday I'm surveying a class. OK, so how's next week looking for everyone?
