Notes..

As a teacher, and a (step)mom, I write more notes than I care to remember. Notes for the registrar's office, notes to an internship supervisor, notes to a homeroom teacher, notes about homework, notes about an early release. The list goes on. I have to admit though, I like writing notes. When I was an angsty pubescent drama queen-in-the-making, I used to write notes in my journal. Notes about how unfair the world was, and what I would do and say about it if I actually had a backbone.

Interestingly, she apparently had the same teenage experience. And when in yesterday's blog, she decided to write notes to annoying people in her life today, I thought that that might be a a more constructive manner of complaining than writing another rambling blog about the nuisances of life in the south.

So what kind of notes would I write now? What if I were still a teenage drama princess, and obsessed with committing my every thought to paper? Because I don't do that anymore. Obviously.
Anyway. For this once, I thought I would make an exception, and write all those notes I have been wanting to send for months, but haven't because I'm obviously not 14 anymore, am all grown up now, and have learned the true meaning of good manners. Well, sort of.

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Dear Students,

Let me start off by saying that you guys are really cool. You make me laugh, think, and yes, sometimes want to pull my hair out, but I really like every single one of you. A lot. However, when I am going to show you a movie with subtitles, please don't groan and complain. I'm sorry the Nazi's didn't take over the world in English, but this is how it is. And for crying out loud, this is your major. If you cannot handle a non-English film, then perhaps you need to switch to accounting or biology. Or English. I don't care. I can't remember the number of foreign films I had to watch that didn't even have a storyline to begin with. This one does. Be grateful.
Also, please LISTEN TO ME when I tell you that you CANNOT plagiarize. Next time someone plagiarizes, I will burst into flame. And rise from the ashes. I promise.

Take care,
Dr. D.

**

Dear Florida drivers,

You may live one of the coolest states in the country, but when you drive in Georgia, can you please drop some of the surfer-dude-relax-tude, and start acting like you know what you're doing? It is simply not cool to a) drift into my lane, b) hog the middle lane, c) pull out in front of me when I'm doing 55 mph, or d) switch lanes without using your blinker. One of these days you will give me a heart attack, or an aneurysm, or maybe both. So please, re-read your driving manual, take a class, I don't care, but please, drive like you know what you're doing.

Thank you,

The small driver in the red Honda

***

Dear Shelby and Zoe,

My wonderful, awesome, sweet puppy-dogs. I have one thing to say to you: The landscaping sheet is not there for you to play with. We hid it under the lava rocks so you wouldn't play with it. We did not put it there as a sort of obstacle course for you guys (you know, dig up the plant, dig out the rocks, tear up the sheet). We love you very much, but do it again, and your daddy may have a seizure. And you know you'll never be let out in the backyard on your own again. And how much fun would that be?

Love,

Mommy

***

Dear little-boys-and-girls-who-ride-the-bus-with-youngest,

I'm sure you're all really sweet kids. And that maybe your problems stem from your parents pushing you too hard or harping too much on the fact that you are a smart, talented, and wonderful! child. I also realize that we moved into your neighborhood. And you were here before us. I'm sorry. I'm sorry our kids don't have the expensive clothes you do. I'm sorry they don't cuss. I'm sorry they're not jocks.
However. When my wonderfully sweet youngest boy walks on to the bus and asks if he can sit by you, you take your backpack off the empty seat and let him sit down. You do not ask him if he is stupid. You do not call him gay, you do not call him a private part, or ask if he wants to be kicked around.
In fact, if you do any of those things again, I will ignore my youngest's requests to stay out of it and report you to the school. Not only that, but I will personally make sure you are suspended from the bus for the rest of the school year. I may even see about getting you into in school suspension for the rest of the semester. I will do everything in my power to make sure you will learn manners. Is that clear?

Thank you,

M's evil stepmom

******

Dear work-computer,

If you shut down on me again without me telling you to, you will be going to the trash.

User1