DixieChick's Rules of Life

I realize you all must be getting tired of my little lists at this point, but this morning I received an email that I simply had to share with all of you. You see, over the past week, my kids and my students have been locked in a competition over who can be the most demanding, ornery, irresponsible and otherwise generally annoying. There have been tantrums, crying spells, lost tempers, and the usual drama, both at home and at work, and as an academic, the only solution I can think of for that is to organize it all into a neat little list. So. For anyone who has children or works with children, or works with people who act like children, this is dedicated to you. May the Force be with you.

Rule 1. Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2. The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3. You will NOT make $60 000 a year right out of high school. Or college for that matter.

Rule 4. If you think your teacher is though, wait until you get a boss.

Rule 5. Flipping burgers in not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burgerflipping. They called it opportunity.

Rule 6. If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault. So don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7. Before you were born, your parents were not as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes, and listening to you talk about how much your life sucks. So before you save the rainforest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room first.

Rule 8. Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades, and they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't have even the slightest resemblance to real life.

Rule 9. Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. You can do that on your own time.

Rule 10. Television is not real life. In real life, people actually have to leave coffee shops and go to work.

Rule 11. Be nice to nerds, chances are you'll end up working for one.

And in case you're worried, I still love my kids, I still love my students, and my job, but right now I just want everyone to go away. Or learn these rules and live by them. It's their pick.