Chintz and curves: The doctor will see you now

Paintings of flowers, plants, or open windows overlooking something natur-y (a pond, the ocean, woods, or an English garden). Chintz wallpaper, or if you're in a particularly hip one, striped wallpaper. A chair rail. Plush carpets, or possibly a shiny hard wood floor covered in fake Persian rugs. Winged chairs with curly feet. Or if the room is a little smaller, high-backed curvy chairs covered in chintzy fabric. Fake plants. A television set, and stacks of outdated magazines about horses, golf, and if you're in the hip one with the striped wallpaper, a few People magazines.

No, this is not your grandmother's living room (or my grandmother's living room for that matter). Nor is it the waiting room in a nursing room. None of all that. This would be what your average southern doctor's office looks like.

After spending most of Friday in either my own dentist's office, the kids' orthodontist's office, and a variety of other waiting rooms, I couldn't help but marvel at how completely Miss-Marplified all these waiting rooms were. Perhaps I'm just signed up with all the wrong doctors, and all other southerners get to sit in sleek, modern waiting rooms outfitted with wifi and free espressos. However,  considering the variety of doctors we have had the pleasure of seeing in the past few years (orthodontists, pediatricians, a variety of baby-related doctors), I am going to go out on a limb and argue that I have a vague notion of what your average non-metro southern waiting room looks like. And they all pretty much look like the description above.

Granted, I'm used to the no-nonsense waiting rooms more commonly found in Europe and New England. Waiting rooms that contain lots of stone and, if you're in a particularly hip practice, marble. Waiting rooms where rugs are an absolute no-no, and patients instead get highly polished floors, faux design chairs (that admittedly are anything but comfortable), and lots of glass all around, including on the tables. Rooms that definitely do not have a flat screen TV tuned to Dr. Phil or The View, or if you're very unlucky, The O'Reilly Factor. Waiting rooms that, to me anyway, spell, "I'm busy, professional, and am here to get the job done". A thought with which, for some reason, I'm a lot more comfortable than something that makes me think of the set from "Who's the Boss" or "Family Ties"

And here's my question: Why? I mean, really, why? Why do southern non-metro doctors of a wide variety of backgrounds feel that their patients would feel most at ease when they're kept waiting in a room that resembles something their grandmother might have appreciated? I suppose one could argue that this type of decor is what southerners are familiar with, you know, that southern homes are crammed with chintz, curved chairs, and pictures of dogs, ponds, and forests. But after having visited a large number of genuine (versus transplanted) southern homes, none of whom look as though they came straight out of the Andy Griffith show, I'm going to go with a blunt "no" on that idea. So familiarity isn't it. I briefly entertained the idea that perhaps every single doctor in rural Georgia employs the same, ancient, born in the 1930s interior designer, but then rejected that since I remember several doctors proudly telling me they designed their own offices. So then the only reason that is left (aside from a severe shortage of marble, faux-designer chairs, and glass) is expectation management. You see, whenever I see an office decorated in a way my great-grandmother would approve of, my expectations for the doctor's abilities dwindle a little as well. Call me superficial, but there you have it. So whatever state the doctor's office is in really doesn't matter after having been exposed to chintz, curves, and The View for half an hour or more, it's all good. Very, very smart, when you think about it. Perhaps Dutch doctors should consider throwing out their marble and designer chair for a few winged chairs and a fake Persian as well. If nothing else, it would be more comfortable for the patients.