Thinism

So we've been all children here, and we probably all remember our moms starting a sentence with something like, "I don't want you going out so late at night..." that somehow ended with us in a wreck, pregnant, destitute, or on drugs (or perhaps all four at the same time). Or perhaps it was just my mom's vivid imagination. At any rate, I think that everyone is familiar with the notion of sliding values, you know, the exact thing your mom was worrying about. If you start going out late, you will start running with the wrong crowd, doing what they're doing, and before you know it, you'll think earning your living by holding up a cardboard sign at the entrance to the railway station is perfectly acceptable.

Just last month, I realized that living in the south has somewhat been like that, at least as far as weight issues are concerned. And I know I'm probably going to offend scores of readers with this, so if you are not feeling your body today, please go here, here, or here. I love you and you're awesome no matter your size, but I am going to talk about weight today.
Sorry.
You see, over the past years, I have had to come to the conclusion that southerners appear to be far more likely to be overweight than any other part of the country. Thank goodness, my observations have been backed up various scientific studies, so please don't yell at me for being..uhm..I believe the word is "size-ist".

Anyway, the fact of the matter of is that besides our own town, which is populated mainly by military folk, who by virtue of their career, have to stay in shape, most other places are populated by people who could lose a pound or two. Or ten. Or fifty. And my point is not that they should, or shouldn't. Honestly, besides worrying about potential health issues, I am really fine with whatever weight you're OK with. I'm not going to tell you to lose weight, because I just don't care. My point is that it's so easy to take this as the norm, and forget what you once thought was "normal" body weight.

I remember when I first ventured out to my current job, I was taken aback by the number of large people. It appeared that the majority of people on and off campus had weight issues. But what's interesting is that I've stopped noticing. Freshmen with bellies hanging over their jeans don't make me take notice anymore. Young women who struggle to walk up stairs because it's almost impossible for them to bend their knees are just another coworker, and men who can use their stomachs to rest their arms while sitting down are just comfortable. It's normal to see students eat an egg biscuit for breakfast every morning. And chic-fil-a for lunch every day is nothing to make you sit up either. You clean your plate, and if it's fried it's good.

In fact, weight issues are apparently so commonly accepted down here, that I have had some really interesting conversations in the past few years. I've had students ask me if I've "always been this skinny", I've had people at meals tell me I need to eat more as I obviously need to fatten up, and people have asked husband-dear, after he lost about three pounds (of unnecessary belly weight), if he was doing OK, or if he needed to talk, since he'd lost some weight, which can obviously only be a sign of something baahaahaad. But last week I had a  conversation with someone in the athletics department no less, that took the cake.

We were talking about a university-wide blood drive, and I asked if I could donate blood, as I have lived in Europe for more than 6 months.
"Sure, you're fine. "The man looked me up and down, "I just don't know if they'll let you donate because you're so thin."
"I'm sorry?"
"You have to weigh at least 108 lbs to be allowed to donate."
"Uhm, well, trust me, I do."
"Well, they may not let you anyway, because you just don't look like you could handle it."
"What?! Are you serious? I could outrun all of them."
"Yeah, " at least he started to laugh, "I know. But still, they want to make sure you're healthy."

Healthy?
Look, people, let's do the numbers here. My BMI is 19. According to the Department of Health and Human Services, that is considered a normal body weight.  My cholesterol is in the normal range. My blood pressure is something like 110 over 70. I am allowed to consume 1600 calories a day to maintain my normal body weight. If I burn more by exercising, I eat more. On a long bike day, I can consume up to 3000 calories a day, and I do. Trust me. I run, I bike, I swim. I eat. Lots and lots. Really. But because I exercise, it doesn't go anywhere. I get my daily vitamins, and if I don't, I take a supplement. I eat proteins, fat, and carbohydrates. I probably don't drink enough water, but I try to stay away from regular sodas. I may not have any belly to rest my arms on, but let's talk about that caboose I'm carrying around with me. You may not like me, but you may not call me unhealthy. Or skinny. As I am neither. I am healthy.

So I've made a pact - I'm not going to take it anymore. From now on, if anyone tells me I need to eat more because I'm skinny, I'm going to tell them that I am exactly where I need to be for my height and weight. If anyone asks me if I've always been this skinny, I'm going to tell that I'm not skinny, I am normal. And if they keep on pestering me, I'm going to tell them they're a bunch of thinists.

Take that.

Now excuse me while I help myself to a chocolate martini.

Collegiate anthropology

It's been far too quiet on the my-job-drives-me-to-the-brink-of-something front lately. For those of you who have been wondering whether my endearingly dramatic students have suddenly seen the light and started behaving well, turning in work on time, and participating in class: no, I'm sorry, but they haven't. I just figured there's only so many times I can write about terrible spelling, perpetual tardiness, and the other misery that plagues college professors all around before it gets old.

There has, however, been a new type of behavior that's been on the rise this semester. One that woke up the budding anthropologist inside of me, and definitely warrants closer attention. For lack of a better word, I'm going to call it the "eye-sigh".

The eye-sigh. A complicated physical expression, which holds a plethora of social meaning. For those of you wondering what on earth I'm talking about: the eye-sigh usually starts with a roll of the eye, which is coupled to a head thrust back, and ends with a loud and forceful sigh or snort. From my, however limited, observations it is mainly used by students of the female gender, although the males do have an equivalent behavior. The male version eschews the head thrust and exchanges the sigh for a grimace or a short hiss. The meaning, however, is the same and can best be translated as "Are you freaking kidding me?!"

Whereas previous student cohorts would express their dissatisfaction with a new assignment, the announcement of a test, or my request to turn off a cellphone in a most verbal manner, this year, non-verbal has been the way to go. Although eye-rolling has always been a part of a standard student response, I've never had students replace verbal protesting with such elaborate posturing. In fact, one of the reasons this semester as well as the previous one has been so much less drama-filled is because I've received almost zero spoken in-class feedback.

You would think that as the person in front of the class, I love the fact that my students have stopped trying to argue deadlines, assignments, and other rules and regulations. And three years ago, I probably would have agreed with you. But in all honesty, the eye-sigh has been driving me batty. It's not the fact that students aren't happy with the latest project, grade, or enforced rule, since they very rarely are, it's the fact that it's so incredibly passive aggressive.

See, for all my dishing out, I can take it pretty well too. I will tell students how it is ("if you have a hard time getting up for class at 9:50, how do you think that morning-drive-DJ-gig you're vying for is going to work out?"), but I have no qualms dealing with their comebacks either. It opens up a dialogue, allows me to explain myself, understand their point of view, and most of the time we all end up with a good laugh. I think I can actually state with confidence I enjoy the banter. I mean, just last week I had the following gem of a conversation with a student:

"Katie, please don't play with your phone."
"I don't have my phone! See it's not on my desk."
"No, it's in your lap."
(Student surreptitiously takes phone into hand), "No it's not, see! My lap is empty."
"That's excellent. In that case, please stop staring at your lap. Call me silly, but that's really distracting."

Who wouldn't prefer that over the eye-sigh? It reinforces my rules, makes the point, and entertains Katie's peers. What more could an instructor want? We laugh, we learn, we move on. It's great.

But when all students do is the eye-sigh, you've got nothing. Nothing to respond to, nothing to explain, nothing, except the feeling that perhaps you're not entirely appreciated right then. I've tried addressing it both seriously ("please don't roll your eyes at me") and in a pathetic attempt at humor ("What was that (insert awkward imitation here)?"), and the best I've gotten is either a second eye-sigh or a "I wasn't rolling my eyes. My contacts were bothering me/There's something in my eyes/My eyes are really dry."
People, does it get any more passive aggressive than that?

I've been thinking. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm too scary, too intimidating. Maybe I have too many rules, and need to my students be the free spirits that they are.
And then I think some more. And decide that maybe, well, maybe not. 

NPR: The new social lubricant

First, let me start off by saying that I love, just absolutely love the American expression "social lubricant". It has possesses the brilliant ability to make me think of something nasty and physical (like a chaffing wetsuit, get your mind out of the gutter), and a drink with friends all with two simple words. Hence, it's awesome.
But I digress.

Second, you should probably also know that husband-dear and I are total NPR aficionados. We love everything about the quirky public radio network, from its never-ending morning news reports, to its odd choice of music shows (who doesn't want to listen to Irish music presented by a host with an Irish accent so thick he sounds like he just rolled off the boat), its strange choice of topics (Flies: What makes them tick?), and its odd puzzlers ("take the first three letters of a fruit, the last three letters of a vegetable, combine them in a different order, add a "Z', and you will get the name of a famous song writer").

And third, do note that here in the bible-thumping south, liking NPR is a sure fire way to land yourself in the most awkward social position ever.  You see, southerners do not like NPR. It's boring, it plays strange music, it has long interviews with people who are neither country singers nor Nascar drivers, and it just doesn't breathe the right home-grown, good ole boys, homegrown feel, you know? Admitting to liking NPR is just not done, as people suddenly realize you are not only not one of them, but you're so different, they have no idea how to relate to you anymore.

In short, bringing up NPR to people you've only just met takes courage. You never know how your admission will fall. People whom you thought were nice, cool, and potential friends might turn up their noses, make a face, and denounce the station (usually either for being boring or being too liberal), and suddenly you're left wondering what they now think of you, and if you should just beg out of the conversation altogether while you still can.

Husband-dear and I have discovered that "liking NPR" in Georgia is a litmus test and secret handshake rolled into one. If you think someone might be a potential friend, bringing up NPR might be a good way to find out if you want to start talking more seriously than the latest race you completed. If someone doesn't like NPR, we can definitely be close, but we know that there are certain things we'll never share (like telling someone to not drive like my brother), and there is, as you will, a part of us that is holding back. If, on the other hand, you admit to listening to NPR, it's as though you've just completed the second part of the secret handshake, and we know we're on the same level.

In fact, whenever NPR is brought up in a conversation, and both parties admit to liking it (and yes, I use "admit" quite deliberately here, as it does feel very much like I would imagine coming out to feel like), the conversation, no matter how poorly it might have gone before, suddenly takes a leap and a jump. There's something about the type of people who like NPR that makes them our closest friends almost immediately. In fact, most conversations that I've been in, where one person brings up NPR, and the other person replies they really like NPR, it's almost as though people want to start passing out hugs. Here is someone who likes NPR! Who knows who Steve Innskeep is! Who laughs at Click and Clack! Someone who is critical, cynical, and probably has an odd sense of humor too! Someone who probably doesn't get the south either! Life is great!

Now, remember Mr. House? The less-than-jovial physical therapist I met last week? The one whose demeanor was so like his namesake on the famous TV show, it was almost uncanny? Well, I had another appointment with him on Tuesday. You can imagine I was just tickled pick to spend another hour in there, so as a line of defense, I brought my IPad. When Mr. House had me set up doing my first exercise, he asked me what books I was reading on my IPad. I told him I was reading an old Agatha Christie, to which he, much to my surprise, responded a lot more positively than I had been expecting. He loved old English novels. I'm not sure how or why, but at one point I brought up Prairie Home Companion (a famous weekly NPR radio play), extending my half of the secret handshake if you will, and Mr. House's face just lit up, "Oh, yes, I love NPR. Just love it."
The secret handshake had just been returned.

Within five minutes, Mr. House and I were talking a mile a minute, swapping stories about the odd segments we'd caught on This American Life, Car Talk, the different books we'd read, how we both liked The Archers (a British radio play), and on and on. Who knew that a man so indifferent could be so animated and interested. We talked books, radio, education, immigration, and it was all equally entertaining. I have to admit that I spent the most pleasant hour and a half of a long time, and that I'm almost looking forward to my appointment this afternoon.

I'm telling you, NPR is social gold. Well, at least for misfits like myself.

Safely over the mountains

If you've kept with the weather in this part of the world at all, you know that this weekend has been wild to say the least. Tornadoes, storms, thunder, we've seen it all. Fortunately for husband-dear and I, this weekend was a "recovery weekend", i.e., a weekend where training is reduced just a little to give one's body time to rest. So this meant that when scheduling our bike ride, we only had to find a two-hour window with limited rain and winds, as opposed to a four or even five-hours window. And we had it all figured out. Saturday morning from 8-10am was going to be ideal. A thirty percent chance of rain, some cloud cover, and 70F. Ideal for cycling. It was going to be great. Just like that one time we were convinced that 35F was a fine temperature to ride if only you dressed warmly enough. Or that one time we were sure we knew where we were running to in a strange city. Whenever we use the word ideal, you all need to start worrying. But, as usual, we were completely oblivious.

So off we went. And the first eight or nine miles were promising. Light wind, nice temperature, a little sprinkle, but all in all, we were happy. Well, as happy as one can be when trying to push one's average speed up over 17mph, but happy nonetheless. Then, for a mile or two, the sprinkle turned into a brief, but torrential downpour. Glasses were put into pockets, feet were unclipped to shake water out of shoes, and then the rain stopped. We cruised along, and conquered the infamous four-minute-straight-climb hill about thirteen miles south of our house.

If there's one interesting climatological feat about our town it's that we've never been hit by a tornado. It came very close about three years ago, when clouds were funneling right over our subdivision, but nothing ever touched down. And as any tornado-alley resident will tell you, it ain't a tornado until it's touched down. Anyway, although a major tornado devastated a town south of us a few years ago and several tornadoes have ravaged several state parks not too far north of here, our town has always been spared. It could have something to do with the fact that it's on a plateau. Or perhaps it's because there's a lot of water around, I'm not sure. But the bottom line is, I have never really had to worry about tornadoes down here.

Well, until today.
As we were whipping down the four-minute hill, the wind suddenly picked up. And then it changed direction. And then it changed direction again (nothing like riding a bike with tires as wide as your thumb to make you aware of the wind). Folks, that is not a good sign. When the sky suddenly turned to lead, the fuzzies on the back of my neck woke up hard. I looked to my right, and noticed thick clouds sinking low to the ground, swirling and swirling around. If a change in wind direction is bad, people, swirling clouds are double plus bad. So I sped up, caught up with husband-dear and said, "Do you remember what to do when you're caught outside in a tornado?"
"Sure. Lie down in a ditch, right?"
"Yes. Good." I pointed to the right.
"Oh. That's not good."
"No, it's not."

But, you know, you're on a bike, thirteen miles from home, out in the country, and there's not a house in sight. So what can you do but cycle home? Nothing, obviously, so that's what we did.

We took a right, and the cloud cover lifted a little, as did our fears. The wind died down too, and we turned on our afterburners. But then we came upon an intersection, and suddenly the sky opened. Rain came pouring down, drenching us in seconds. Even worse, husband-dear pointed to the sky across the road, where the clouds had dropped to just above the trees. You didn't need to be a storm chaser to recognize the funnel clearly forming among the dark grey clouds.

"Oh $%^&" I said.
"Yeah." Husband-dear nodded his agreement, "Let's get out of here."
Peddling as though our lives depended on it, we took off down the road. The wind picked up again, and buffeted us left, right, left, and pretty much all over the road. Husband-dear kept looking behind him, and at one point shouted over the road of the wind, "Make sure you keep listening for the siren!"
The tornado siren, people. That's one piece of advice I really didn't want to hear.
"OK." I was wet, cold, and so worried the wind was going to blow me off the road, I held on to my bike for dear life, "I'm kind of scared."
"Me too." That's also not the kind of response you want from your fearless better half.

So I did what any other person would do when trying to ride as fast as they could, while fighting the wind, rain, and running from a possible tornado, I recited Habakkuk 3:19.  Shelly once taught me this verse on a very intense 5k, and explained how that was "her" PT verse when she was at the academy. The parts referring to the "speed of a deer" seemed especially applicable, as I really just wanted to be home right then and there. Now you may not be religious, but let me tell you, there's nothing like feeling as though you're riding for your life to have you consider your celestial options. I might have also sung a little, anything to keep me focused on just riding home.

Well, as I am currently comfortably seated behind my laptop, you can all surmise there was no tornado. And there wasn't. It never formed. The rain did turn to hail for a few miles, which was just lovely, but I will take hail over a tornado any day.

Should we have gone out to ride today? Probably not. Will this stop us from going out during bad weather again? Probably. Does that make us slightly insane? Definitely.

The southern Mr. House

So after months, possibly years, of dealing with a knee that was less than cooperative anytime I decided to run more than 10 miles, I decided it was high time to find myself a physical therapist. Well, actually husband-dear told me in clear as day terms that if I wanted to keep running the way I do now I needed to stop messing around with ice baths, ITB straps, and expensive and painful massages. So for once, and only after about six weeks of having him repeat this refrain, I listened, and got myself a referral to a physical therapist. We'll leave the interesting process of acquiring said referral aside for now (except for me to note that if I were to address this, the words "Tricare" and "kafka-esque" would be sprinkled liberally throughout said blog), and focus on my first visit to the physical therapist. For his sake, and mine, we shall call him Mr. House.

Now  if there ever was a sign that I am fully, totally, and completely adjusted to life in the south, it would have to be this memorable first visit.

Granted, the visit didn't start off very well, and that was really my fault. I showed up to his office at 4:20pm, fully convinced that with a 4:30 appointment, I would have more than enough time to fill out the paperwork so typical to an American doctor's office, only to find that I was actually twenty minutes late for my 4pm appointment. Oops. Fortunately, the receptionist was a lovely southern woman, who waved my profuse apologies away, firmly told me not to worry, and then even added that things like this happen all the time. I was almost feeling better, when Mr. House walked into the reception area.
"Mrs. Husband-dear?" Mr. House had a crisp British accent.
"Yes."
"I'm Richard House."
"Nice to meet you. Look I am so sorry I am late, I really didn't..."
"Please follow me, "Mr. House interrupted.

We walked into a a curtained off cubicle, where Mr. House pointed to a chair, "Sit."
I sat, and tried again, "I really am sorry that I kept you..."
"Yes, so tell me what you're here for."
Apparently, Mr. House wasn't having any of it. So instead I told him what was wrong with me, or rather my knees.
"OK, "Mr. House said after a while, "let's do a strength test. Sit" He tapped on the bed behind me.
So we did the stress test, after which Mr. House proceeded to tell me, and I am seriously literally quoting him, "Right, well, your leg strength is absolutely rubbish."
Alrighty then.
Now he was right. I'm supposed to be somewhere in the 90s (at this point I was too intimidated to ask what the units were), and instead I scored in the high 60s. Definitely "rubbish", I suppose.

He then asked me about my race goals and my training schedule, and proceeded to tell me that with my current schedule, there was no way I was going to be able to meet this year's race goals (for the record: I run twice a week (between 8-15 miles total), bicycle at least twice a week (five hours total), swim for an hour, and do an hour of strength training each week - anyone will tell you that is a fine training schedule). But Mr. House disagreed, and proceeded to add on, "And I think that if you're honest with yourself, you know that that is the truth."
Well, at that point all he was getting from me was a raised eyebrow, which seemed to placate him into silence.

At this point, he informed me of his treatment plan, and explained the importance of the home exercises as follows, "You need to do them at least 3-4 times per day. If you do any less, you coming here is really wasting your money. Or, well, in your case, wasting someone's money."
Ah! The curse of military health care. It's almost free, and thus we're nothing more than beggars and dregs. Obviously.

You may wonder why I at that point I wasn't telling him to shove his treatment plan, well, somewhere, and vacating the building as fast as my poorly developed legs could take me. Well, you see, the large treatment room was filled with patients. They were on machines, doing exercises, and getting massaged. And so I figured, he's either the only one in town, in which case there's nowhere else to go, or he's really good at what he's doing, which means I better stick around.

I was, however, very much offended by the man's demeanor. And if there ever was a sign that living in the south is like living among the Borg, that had to be it. And the sign wasn't the fact that  Mr. House was the crabbiest, curtest, and most diffident health professional I ever met, as life in Europe should have left me amply prepared for such individuals, but it was the fact that I was positively offended by the man's attitude, and had no clue how to handle him. It took me almost thirty minutes to remember how to I used to act around people like that back in Europe, and even then, I wasn't comfortable enough to at least smile at the man while I answered his questions as curtly as possible.

I have to admit that my attitude towards Mr. House did soften a bit when he, halfway through my massage came in to tell me he was wrong about my training schedule. He had asked his staff, and had learned that apparently my training schedule is ideal for triathlons. No sh**, Sherlock. But I nodded, smiled tightly, and said, "That's OK." Nothing more, nothing less. I have to tell you that not gushing over the man and telling him it was fiiiine, really, was the hardest thing ever, but once I imagined I was on a crowded Dutch bus, and Mr. House was the man who just stepped on my toes for the second time in two minutes, I was fine.

In short, of all the physical therapists in all of Tricare-approved physical therapy land, I end up with the one who's British, acts Dutch, and believes my leg strength is rubbish. I have another appointment on Tuesday, and I'll have to remember to bring my Dutch chip (you know, the one on my shoulder), or else I may just cry.

Indoctri..squirrel!

For those of you who fortunate enough to not be confronted with news about the ongoing, seemingly never-ending battle for the Republican Presidential nominee, first of all: a heartfelt congratulations. I am certain that unlike the rest of us, you still have faith in the democratic system, and think of the upcoming Presidential election with nothing but wide-eyed anticipation. Second, and this can be seen as both a blessing or a curse, you have probably also missed the second faux-pas of the century by Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum. Yes, the second. The first "oh dear Lord what did he just say" moment was a few weeks ago, when Mr. Santorum decided to use the Netherlands as an example why euthanasia is wrong. And evil. And really on a par with geriatric genocide. The second gaffe of the day occurred last week, when Santorum decided to tackle Obama's perspective on college education.

Before I go any further, however, a brief disclaimer might be in order.
As you have probably noticed, I try to be decidedly a-political on this blog. I avoid talking about politics, just because things get polarized in a heartbeat, and before you know it, your quaint little blog has been taken over by a flame war between the hippy-skippers on the left and the bible-beaters on the right. For this one particular post, however, I am making an exception. And not because I dislike Santorum, or have a preference for any of the other candidates, or because I do really like Santorum, and think all the others are losers, and am trying to hide it by writing a vitriol-filled post about him.  I am making an exception solely based on the, well, wonderment I experienced when I first heard Mr. Santorum's view on college education.

You see, Rick Santorum, former senator of Pennsylvania, believes that the only reason President Obama wants every American child to be able to go to college is so that they can be "indoctrinated to a secular world view". In fact, according to Rick Santorum, colleges can be best described as "indoctrination mills". (sources can be found here and here). Now leaving aside the fact that most research has found this claim to be untrue (see here, for instance), let's talk about this for a moment.

To sum it all up, according to Rick Santorum, I as a faculty member, try to consciously or unconsciously indoctrinate my students into not believing (for the sake of the argument, I'm going to assume Rick, as the conservative Christian that he is, is not too concerned about Muslim or Hindu students losing their faith, but is instead worried about good Christian kids being turned away from God, Jesus, the whole nine yards). There are several obvious problems with that. First, I believe myself. As do many other faculty members with me. Why would I want to change my students' beliefs if I believe the same thing? Second, I don't really talk about religion in my classes. I'm a Professor in Mass Communication, and believe it or not, I only get paid to talk about what I know. Which happens to be mass communication, not religion. And third, my job as a university Professor is to teach students to think critically. In fact, I know I have successfully done my job only when students challenge a statement made by me, using the theories I introduced to them earlier in the semester. It would seem that that goes directly against the notion of indoctrination. Unless Rick Santorum honestly believes I use some sort of reverse psychology, where I tell students to believe in God, tell them that the Christian way is the only way, and then only give points if they unknowingly challenge that, using theories I taught them. Or not. Oy. I just made my head hurt.

But, Rick, may I call you Rick? Rick, you and I both know that's not why I'm writing this blog. You have obviously never been a Professor. Or worked in academics. Or in education in general. For had you had any experience in this field you would have known your statement is not so much untrue as it is absolutely preposterous. Indoctrinate my students? Really, Rick?

You want to know what teaching at the college level is like? Honey, let's talk about stapling. So the syllabus tells them, literally, "Staple your paper in the left hand corner". I remind them in class, "Please staple your paper. No paper clips, no corners folded over, no fancy folders. Just a staple." And what do I get? Three stapled papers, three without anything, four with the corner folded over, four in folders so large the papers won't fit in my bag, and three students forgot to print their paper out at all. And if you think that's it, wait until I tell them to read a certain chapter in class. I will finish the announcement with, "So don't forget, it will be on the midterm", and then all of a sudden, students wake up; "What did we have to do?", "Did we have to read something?", "Is there a midterm?", "Oh, wait there's a midterm? When? What's on it?".
And sweetie, those are the good classes.

My average student has an attention span that's about fifteen minutes long. If you use video, you might be able to extend that with an additional five minutes, but that's about it. They need potty breaks, phone breaks, texting breaks, get-a-snack-breaks every thirty minutes. They will get distracted by a woman in a red coat walking by an open classroom door. They will wander in ten minutes late, completely surprised to find class has already started. Do you have any children, Rick sweetie darling? If you do, you might have watched the movie "Up" with them. You know the dog in that movie? The one that when he sees a squirrel, he completely forgets what he's doing, where he is, and is only capable of panting "squirrel!" before leaping off to chase it? That dog? Yeah, that's what it's like to teach in higher education these days.

So indoctrination, I don't think so.

Ontwend

Als er een waarheid als een koe is, dan is het wel dat ik gek ben op drop. Zeg maar gerust verzot. En een van de grote problemen waar ik altijd tegenloop als ik weer eens in het buitenland woon is dat ze daar of helemaal geen drop kennen, of drop die zo vies zoet is dat het de naam drop eigenlijk niet eens verdient. Drop moet hard, zout, salmiak, of in de vorm van een auto zijn, anders is het geen drop. Maar goed, dat kennen ze alleen in Nederland.

Gelukkig heb ik ondertussen al heel wat oplossingen gevonden. Nederlandse vrienden en familie sturen zo en nu dan wat op, er zit soms een Nederlands winkeltje in buurt, en sinds de opkomst van het internet, is er overal wel drop te bestellen. Mits je bereid bent een dollar of acht voor een klein zakje kokkindjes te betalen, dat wel. Maar goed, meestal zit ik nooit meer dan een maand of wat zonder drop. En, het is echt waar, ook voor de echte dropverslaafde went ook dit.

Alleen heb ik sinds kort een veel groter probleem. Ik ontdekte het voor de kerst, toen mijn nichtje en een goede vriend samenspanden om mij, tijdens zijn vakantie aan de westkust, een hele doos met drop op te sturen. En afgelopen weekend, toen dezelfde vriend me weer een survival pakketje opstuurde, kon ik het toch echt niet meer ontkennen.
Ik ben drop ontwend.

Niet de smaak, oh nee. Er is nog steeds niet zo heerlijk als na twee maanden zonder een zout dropje in je mond te steken. Maar de hoeveelheid. Vroeger at ik rustig een hele zak dropvisjes of een doos autodrop in een keer leeg. Soms twee keer, maar dan had je het ook wel gehad. Als ik drop in mijn bezit had, dan hield ik altijd een waar drop-fest: boek erbij, bak met dropjes op schoot, en eten maar.  Maar ja, sinds kort zit ik dus na drie dropjes gewoon helemaal vol. En wat nog erger is, krijg ik ook enorme dorst (want ja, al dat heerlijke, slechte zout he?). Mijn smaakpappillen willen echt wel meer, maar mijn maag trekt het niet. Hoe triest kan een mens zijn. Kan je niet eens meer behoorlijk jezelf ongans eten aan een partij drop. Dat is toch wel het begin van het einde hoor. Ik bedoel, hoe weet je of je echt aan het on-Nederlandsen bent? Nou, here's your sign, zoals ze hier in Amerika zo mooi zeggen. Het is volgens mij toch echt begonnen.

En wat doe ik? Ik prop mezelf gewoon alsnog vol met drop, dorst of niet. Ontwenning, ik dacht het niet.