Feminism, the southern way

Well, after calling the foreman on the carpet, calling our cable-internet-phone provider about an erroneous bill, and convincing the paint supplier that I really refuse to believe that we have to repaint the whole living room, I feel like quite the assertive woman I was striving to be in my last post. And the part I’m really proud of? The fact that I managed to, at least I think so, remain the friendly southerner. I refrained from using the “Pentagon voice”; and I think managed to sugarcoat all of my criticism by phrasing everything as a question. If you’re unfamilliar with this phenomenon; it means saying “So yeah, I really hate to complain, but I’m hoping you’ll understand how we’re unhappy with where the wall got busted? Can I assume that that you will fix it?”as opposed to “Yeah, destroying the paint on that wall is really unacceptable, and you will need to fix that before we sign off on the work.”. It’s not just roundabout, it’s actually more of a covert assertiveness.

In fact, I think in the past few days I have figured out how southern women come to be known as sweet and submissive, while they, at the same time, rule over their families with a firm, but subtle hand. No southern woman I know (well, save one maybe) will ever admit to being a feminist (not in the least because feminism is still associated with the refusal to shave down here), but when a decision needs to be made regarding the family, the home, or even what kind of truck/riding lawn mower/four-wheeler hubby should buy, most of the time, the woman will have her say. She won’t tell her brood what to do, like Dutch women might. She won’t even directly offer her opinion in some cases. Nope, the true southern woman’s approach to taking charge consists of three facets: asking lots of seemingly innocuous questions (“So how are you going to pay for the gas for your second truck?”), giving the person in charge certain looks (my neighbor has perfected what she calls “the stink-eye”), and mere silence.

To be honest, I’m not sure I could ever adopt this approach. Sure, I maybe somewhat successful with outsiders, but inside the home, I think I’ll always need to be me. And that includes being direct, somewhat temperamentful, and annoyingly honest from time to time.

And because I can’t resist providing an update about our house: The floors are now completely done, and they’re awesome. They fixed the walls, thank goodness, and the only job left for me now is to paint tens and tens of feet of quarter round. I can’t wait.