Toddler truths

"We hold these truths to be self-evident..."
Declaration of Independence

As I was considering another episode in the sporadically erupting Dutch-American conflict (this one now affectionately known as “tree-gate”), I came to the realization that we could all really get along, if only we became aware of our “toddler truths”. No, I don’t mean we should have all been hugged more when we were kids, although I’m sure that’s true too. I’m talking about those ideas, behaviors, and attitudes that come so natural, and are so self-evident to us that we don’t ever stop to think about them. A toddler truth for me would be that you do your dishes right after dinner. Before you say “well, yeah, doesn’t everyone do that?”, think about the millions of people (several of whom I roomed with) who leave their dishes until after the news, or right before bed, or the next day (or never). Another toddler truth in our family is that, if it’s feasible, you pay for your child’s education, regardless of their major. I never realized this was not a given for everyone, until a friend of mine expressed absolute horror at the idea that we would shell out thousands of dollars for, say, an art degree. And if you want to get completely tree-huggy-bleeding-heart, imagine what would happen if all the people fighting in the world realized that what they thought to be true (this is my land, these people are inferior, and so on) is really just true for them. Would they all stop fighting? Probably not, but they sure would understand themselves a whole lot better.

But I don’t want to talk about saving the world today. What’s interesting to me is that most people go through life completely unaware of their toddler truths. They learned things and acquired behavior when they were little, and that was that. And yes, to some extent, I used to be, and still am, like that too. I say to some extent because growing up in countries besides your own has a funny way of making you realize that your way is not necessarily “the” way. Living in France, for instance, taught me that eating your dinner after seven does not make you fat or sick, timeliness is relative, and that dents in your car are really not a big deal. On the other hand, living in Germany I learned that all of that is not true, while my time in Texas taught me that roaches really aren't scary.

Marriage to a foreigner though is the one sure-fire way to guarantee that all your toddler truths will eventually be revealed. The catch to that is because they are so self-evident to you, that it takes a clash between you and your loved one to make you aware of those pesky little truths. So it took a Saturday morning spat a long time ago for my husband to realize that leaving windows open when you are gone is not considered safe by everyone around you (namely me). And it took a discussion that would have made professional negotiators proud, for me to realize that not everyone thinks that ornaments made by the kids can just go into a box after a few years. The tricky part is that although it helps to know that something is a toddler truth, it doesn’t do anything to solve the problem. So after window-gate, and tree-gate, there is always the need for peace negotiations, which usually involves the mother of all nuisances, a compromise. We compromised on the windows, we compromised on summer vacations, we compromised on cleanliness, and we have (somewhat) compromised on the tree-discussion, and we’ll probably compromise on a million other little things. And eventually we’ll developed our own personalized toddler-truths, to then pass on to our children, who, I’m sure, will be less than grateful for that a few years from now. Oh well. That’s a parent’s prerogative. And that is not a toddler truth:)