Roadbiking 101

Ten things I learned while riding my roadbike along the Georgia roads:

1. If you are a) a woman, b) breathing, and c) wearing spandex, you will be honked at. You might as well take it as a compliment, because they will not stop. Unfortunately, the people honking at you will most likely be a) twice your age, or b) half your age.

2. If bugs fly into your eyes and mouth while running, they will also do so while biking, only at a much higher speed. Wear goggles, keep your mouth closed, and since there is no avoiding the inevitable (think of it as extra fiber!) bring lots of water to swallow some of the bigger ones down.

3. Just because road rules clearly state that motorists must "share the road", doesn't mean that people will. You will not only be run off the road, you will be honked at, yelled at, cussed out, and receive the finger every once in a while. And yes, this happens even when you're right on the edge of the road. Bring your cellphone, take down tag numbers, and pray you don't end up like a friend of ours who had a beer bottle thrown at him from a moving car.

4. You will get sunburned. Wear sunscreen. And lots of it. Unless, of course, you like a farmer's tan.

5. Bugs like people and bugs like sweat. If you are a person riding at a decent speed, you may also want to put on bugspray. Unless you want to end up like husband-dear, who today got to share his spandex with a winged ant.

6. Dogs will chase you. Even the tiniest, sweetest dogs will suddenly turn into a Mr. Hyde, run out in the road and seemingly try to get stuck in between your spokes. Yelling at them does not help, and generally, they only view this as an invitation to nip at your ankles. Yelling at their owners, who in a lot of cases, are standing on their front porches, observing the whole spectacle, does no good either, unless you count alleviating your frustration as something good. The best solution, and as an animal lover, this breaks my heart, honestly, is to speed up and make it seem like you're trying to run over said dog. It sounds horrible, and it is. But picture flying butt over teakettle over the handlebars of your bike while doing 35mph. Right. And the thing is, it tends to work: the dogs will always scamper out of the way.

7. What comes down, must go up. Don't ever get excited over long downhills. You will have to ride up them too.

8. Don't ever assume people have seen you. Even if they have looked your way twice. Even if you're wearing enough neon to help land planes. Even if you're standing right in front of them at a stop sign. Don't ever assume people have noticed you. Because they don't. They will have you an inch from their fender before they register your presence. At which point, of course, whatever was about to go wrong is completely your fault. Bicycling is for the gym, not outdoors. Everyone knows that.

9. When approaching a pedestrian on a sidewalk, always assume they are going to cross right in front of you. Even if they're getting their mail, or talking to a neighbor, or not even looking out into the road. The moment a cyclist rounds the corner, every single pedestrian in Georgia gets the urge to cross the road. Be prepared for a sudden stop.

10. Bring lots and lots of water. This is Georgia, you will need it.

Have fun!