Electricity woes

You may remember my lament about the DMV and their odd rules and behavior. Just in case you don't, or can't read Dutch - I believe I accused them of possibly being the most unfriendly bureaucracy in this entire nation. If I remember correctly, my main problem with them was their demand for a marriage certificate every time I renew my license. For some reason, they refuse to believe that a) I am who I say I am, and b) I am a legal alien without seeing a worn piece of paper that not only contains nothing but my maiden name, but is also written in Danish. I'm still not sure how this works, since they also require about three other pieces of evidence, including my passport and my green card, but I've learned to shut up and smile.

As of yesterday, however, the local DMV will be happy to know that they are no longer the sole winners of my "Nuttier than squierrel poo" award, but that they are now forced to share it with our local electricity company. The DMV still hols the "most unfriendly service" trophee, but as far as odd demands, the electric company is right up there with them.

Allow me to bracktrack for a moment here. The reason all this started in the first place is because the electric bill is in my husband's name only. It's nothing personal, but really the result of practicality more than anyting else. He was at work when I took care of the water company, hence the water bill is in my name, and I believe I was on the phone with TMO about our shipment when husband-dear called the cable company, so our cable bill is in his name. And I'm pretty sure something similar happened with our electric company. For most of our utilities, this poses no problem at all because they have actually thought about their company from the customer's perspective, and provide you with a pin. So if our internet is down and husband-dear is away, I can just call Cox and give them our pin number. It works the same with the water company too - all they want is some of personal information, and they're good to go. Unfortunately, our local electric company ("a co-op for the people, by the people, of the people!") has apparently not gotten that far yet. Unless you are the person on the bill, there is no point in calling. It does not matter where that person is, or what he is doing, or that you can give them every piece of personal information about that person that they could ever want ("Hat size? Got it!") or that your electricity has been out for hours and you're about to boil, they will not speak to you. It's a pain.

So instead of me berating the electric company every time I have to call them, or trying to con them into believing that yes, I am a male, we decided to tackle the system from within, and have me added to the bill. Husband-dear called the company, and was told all he had to do was show up, with me, at their office downtown between 8am and 5pm.

Although I could go on and on about why companies serving people insist on only doing that while said people are at work too, I won't. And although we called in the first week of January, it wasn't until yesterday that both husband-dear and I managed to leave work early, and show up at their office a little before five. And this is where the fun begins.

Husband-dear: "We're here to add my wife to our electricity bill."
Lady: "OK, can I see your ID"
Lady: "I'm also going to need to see your marriage license"
Husband-dear: "Really?"
Lady: "Yes."
Me: "Why?"
Lady: "To see if you are married"
Me: "Yes, I see that. But what if we weren't married?"
Lady: "Then he wouldn't be able to add you to his bill."
Me: "Wow" (while biting back entire diatribe about antiquated laws and normative government)
Lady: "So, your marriage certificate"
Husband-dear: "When I called about this, no one told us we had to bring that with us, so I don' thave that with me."
Lady: "Well, I'm sorry, I can't process your request."

Now for those who have met husband-dear personally, you know that that is absolutely the wrong thing to say to him. He may be a government employee, technically speaking, but this man is. all. about. customer. service. So at this point he adopts the voice he uses for stubborn airmen and children, and says, "Yes, and I understand that, however, I was not informed of that requirement. Had I been, I would have been able to comply. But I was not, and therefore I recommend we look into fixing this in a way that this company's mistake does not become my problem."
He went on, "My wife has a military dependent ID and a green card, both of which prove that she in fact married to me. We have driver's licenses that carry the same address. Could you work with those instead of making us take more time off to come into your office again?"
Can I just say that it's moments like these that make me like him even more?

Of course, this company would not have earned first place in the "Kafkaesque bureacracy" category if the lady would have accepted my military ID. Because she didn't. But I believe that she might have been just a touch intimidated by husband-dear, as she agreed to accept a faxed copy of our marriage certificate.

If all went well, as of 8am this morning, I have been added to our electric bill. I think. I hope.