Keeping up appearances

"Abstain from all appearance of evil"

1 Thessalonians 5:22 (KJV)

So appearances are a relatively big thing in the south. Although we may not have snooty old ladies in floral patterned dresses picking up the phone saying "Bouquet residence, lady of the house speaking", we do have multiple other expressions of the same principle. Think of women who go for a run in full make up and hair, or people who sneer at those of us who don't get weekly manicures/pedicures/full body waxes, or the fact that the rudest thing any southerner can say to another southerner is something like "Well, now, that was not very nice now, was it?".

And just like "y'all", a like for sweet tea, and a dislike for keeping to the right lane, this too is contagious. Although you will never ever see me run wearing make up, and I will probably never learn how to not cuss when I drop something heavy on my foot, I have become much more aware of how other people see me. And that is why, as I'm writing this, my top half looks extremely professional and put together, while my bottom half looks like it just rolled out of a Goodwill donation container.

You see, summer semester is due to start in about ten days, and as I am teaching two online classes, I needed to tape two video introductions. At first I was just going to point the camera at the backyard with our little redneck pool and porch swing front and center, while talking about the class. I thought it would be a nice reminder of how online classes enable you to hang out in the backyard, play in the pool, and lay in the porch swing, while still acquiring extremely useful and important knowledge. But the lighting wasn't working out, and so I was left with no choice but to videotape myself.

Now you should know that when summer rolls around, I am notorious for wandering around in my pajamas for most of the day, especially during the first weeks of summer, when I'm still loving the thought of not having to wear skirts, hose, and suits. Although my pajamas are usually very decent; a pair of flannel boxer shorts left over from college, and an old t-shirt, I immediately felt that these would not be appropriate for a video introduction. Not appropriate at all. I mean, I couldn't have my students see me in a crew-necked dark green t-shirt with a "senior NCO academy" logo on it now, could I? It would be unprofessional, it would undermine my expertise, my students would never take me seriously again, and who knows, they might never register for my classes again, and then I would get fired.

So, even though I laugh at women who put on eyeliner and lip gloss before a run, and I would never consider wasting money on a weekly manicure, I, too, have fallen for the belief that if you don't look the part, you can't possible be the part. Fortunately, I don't think I've fallen completely yet, as I, when considering what to wear, discarded the idea of wearing dress pants, since the camera would only capture my face and the upper part of my body. I also decided I didn't need to completely "do" my hair, as long as it looked nice enough from the front, a feat which was accomplished by a simple elastic band and a little hair spray.

And that is why I am currently wearing plaid boxer shots, pink and purple flip flops, as well as full make up, a dark brown dress shirt, a ratty old elastic band, and diamond stud earrings. After all, it's all about appearances, not about reality. And I think I may have pulled it off too.