Running etiquette

So just in case you don't follow American weather, we've been going through a major heat wave here in Georgia. Now if you consider that what most people in Europe and the more northern states consider a heat wave is viewed as normal summer weather down here, you can imagine that a heat wave here is truly that: A heat wave. We're not talking double digit heat, we're talking triple digits in the shade with close to 100% humidity. We're talking severe heat advisories, we're talking people dying from working in their yards, we're talking an AC that will not stop running. In short, we're talking the seventh circle of hell.

Now, circle of hell or not, a heat wave is never an excuse to not exercise. It just means that everything we do gets shifted to either an indoors activity, or to really early in the morning. And it's the really early morning outdoors activity that I would like to talk about today. And then I'm specifically talking about running.

When I run early in the morning, I stick to a certain runner's etiquette. You know, things that I believe will make other people's lives easier. If it's dark or dusky outside, I'm the dork who always wears a reflective belt. I'm also the idiot who will, one day, injure herself tripping into a ditch, as I always run on the far side of the road, so drivers who are more concerned with their coffee and early morning radio show, won't accidentally run me over. I never run without a shirt, and insist that husband-dear wears one as well, no matter how hot it is. Because although I realize that most drivers might not mind seeing me without a shirt, I myself can't stand men running with merely shorts on, so I figure that it's only fair that that I stick to the rules I insist on for others. Moreover, I make sure to stop for people pulling out of their driveways, as I figured that in their half-asleep state, they're not really likely to look both ways before pulling out. So all in all, I like to think I do a pretty good job thinking of my fellow Georgian's needs.

But you see, after weeks of doing all of this, I am going to throw down the gauntlet, and insist that all those lovely Georgians stick to a few rules of their own as well. Rules that might make my life a little easier. Because judging by the way some of them behave (and look), you would think they have never ever seen a runner before.

First, although I can understand turning your high beams on when you first see a piece of reflective tape bouncing around about three feet of the ground, do you have to keep them on? Once you've established that there is, oh my word, a runner on the sidewalk, do you have to keep shining your lights at me? I don't need help to see the road, and in all honesty, your bright lights are merely blinding me. And oh yeah, when I hold up my hand to shield my eyes from your brights, that is not a greeting for you to reciprocate. It's five in the morning, you do not honk your horn unless it's the only thing between you and a serious crash. Let me enlighten you - when I hold up my hand, it's because you're blinding me. Turn off your brights. It's that easy.

Second, don't honk or scream out your window at me. I realize you a) might know me in a vague, hey, that's our neighbor four houses down, let's wish her a good morning kind of way, or b) think it's really cool I'm running this early in the morning, but it's five in the morning for me too. Just because I'm running, does not mean I'm any more awake than you are. Chances are, I'm actually half-asleep while doing my intervals. When you honk your horn, you freak me out. And I don't like that. So please don't.

Third, I realize some of you suffer from the "when I look at something, I end up steering towards it" syndrome. I also realize that many of you really can't be blamed for that, just like we can't blame you for the fact that many of you can't take turns without ending up on the wrong side of the road. It's what happens when you live around here and your biggest fear in traffic is hitting a deer. And usually I'm totally cool with that. But when it's dark, and I'm running along the side of the road, and your lights keep coming closer, and closer, and closer, and I'm in the ditch and you're still coming closer and closer, I will cuss you out. Really loudly.

Now that we're done with the drivers, let's turn to what I like to call "road side courtesy", that is, the behavior of people regarding their yards, the sidewalk, and the road that runs by your house.

Honestly, I'm not sure if any of you ever use the sidewalk, but I would like to point out that it is not meant for dumping your trash. Or setting your trashcan. Or stacking the result of a weekend worth's of pruning. You are more than welcome to place all of those objects in the designated spot, namely (and I am quoting our trash company's pamphlet here), the side of the road. That does not equal the sidewalk. The sidewalk is meant for walking. Or running. Or cycling. Not your trash. I realize I can't make you fix the lights that light up your driveway, and thus your sidewalk, but that does mean that I am unable to see the huge bags of discarded feed that you so carefully set in the middle of the sidewalk, especially if your neighbor is blinding me with their high beams (see my first point earlier). And that means I trip and fall, or maybe just twist and ankle. And that in turn means I'm unhappy. And I don't like that, which means I will probably cuss some more. Just saying.

Also, can we restrict putting our trash out until, oh, trash day maybe? I mean, I'm not sure what the purpose is of placing your broken TV, your old unused bags of cement, and half of the dead tree that you finally cut down in the middle of the sidewalk the day -after- trash was picked up, but I'm imaging you're thinking something like, "Well, I sure don't need that dang tv messin' up my garage, jus' when I'm workin' on cousin jerry's Chevette, so let me just go an' set that thang out there on that there piece of concrete right in front of the road. Why, it was jus' so nice of the county to put that there right fur our trash.."
Well, actually, I obviously have no idea what any of these people are thinking, but you get the idea. It's a pain.

Oh yes, and let's talk sprinklers. I realize sprinklers are a fact of life down here. But dear lord can we please set our systems up so that they don't start with the sprinklers right by the side of the road? I don't mind getting wet at all, in fact, I will go out of my way to run through sprinklers. But what gets me every time is the abrupt and loud, "Ratatatatata-cha-cha-shhhhhhh". I will seriously jump a foot in the air every time. I'm sure it's really hilarious to look at, but when I'm running, the last thing I need is an even faster heart rate. Seriously people.

So now that we have some of these ground rules set out for all of us, I would like to let you all know that I will probably be running again on Tuesday morning. You have all been warned. Thanks.