Packing adventures

Growing up, the Love Boat was probably one of my favorite shows. I thought Julie the cruise director had the coolest job in the universe, and never understood why all the ladies seemed to find the doctor so attractive, while Gopher was obviously the most handsome crew member on board. And then of course, there were the love stories, the (poor) attempts at humor, and the awesome outfits everyone always seemed to wear to dinner.

Obviously, none of the above really applies to a real cruise. There are no perky ship doctors (at least not that I know of), and no unrequited love between the cruise director and other shipmates (I saw the cruise director, you can trust me on this one). Nothing except for the awesome outfits people wear to dinner. Dinnertime on the cruise was when, as husband-dear put it, the ship was filled with nothing but gorgeous people.

Looking gorgeous at dinnertime obviously requires some work, which is not in the least reflected by the amount of clothes one has to pack when going on a cruise. Let me tell you, packing for a cruise is business. Serious business. You can't just throw some random outfits into a carry on and go, no, you need to think about it. Really think about it. Like, make a list and lay your stuff out, and color coordinate outfits think about it.

First, there are dress codes on board the ship. Although you are more than welcome to wander through the pool area in the tiniest bikini you could find at Victoria Secret, the minute you set foot inside the ship, you are expected to cover it up (can we have a Hallelujah?). And if you want to grab a bite to eat, you'll have to put on shorts, a shirt, and some sort of shoewear. And it doesn't matter if you're just wanting a quick burger from the buffet, no shirt/shorts/shoes, no service. And no, cute little Mexican sun dresses that barely reach the top of your teeny-tiny-polka-dot-bikini don't count.

Second, if you want to eat dinner in the main dining room, you're expected to look nice. And just to help out some of our less-aware dressers, the cruise line provides you with a list of "acceptable clothes". So if the dress code is "casual", ladies can wear slacks (no jeans!), or a nice skirt, a shirt (no t shirts!), and closed shoes. If the dress code is "smart casual", ladies are expected to wear skirts and heels. And then there is the formal night, the one night where everyone is expected to dress to the nines (ladies: long gowns, men: dark suits or tuxedos).

Now don't get me wrong, there are no dress code nazis lurking in every corner of the ship, but the glares and stares of people if you do stray from the dress code are enough to make the most dense rebel blush.

So let's do the math together. Let's say it's a sea day (a day spent at sea, surprise, surprise). Let's say you're lazy, and you order in room service for breakfast, followed by a spa appointment. That's one outfit right there. Lunch can be done in the same outfit, but then when you want to go hang out by the pool, that's outfit number two. An hour before dinner means it's time to change, and if you want to walk around the deck, or go see a show after dinner, you'll probably change back to something a little more casual. That's three outfits in one day, not counting any trips to the fitness center or the rock climbing wall. A day at a port is not a whole lot better, as most people do want to splash in the pool after returning from shore, right before they have to get ready for dinner again. Six days at sea, three outfits a day, that's eighteen outfits for those of you who have been counting. And the ship does not offer free laundry.

Let's just say we brought a lot of stuff with us, and it's a good thing we could drive to Tampa as opposed to fly.

The good news? There's two pieces of good news. One, staterooms have more storage space than you will ever need in your entire life. A walk in closet, cabinets in the bathroom, six drawers in your room, and several sets of shelves craftily hidden away behind mirrors and hidden doors. And two? Cruise ships don't care how much luggage you take on board. When I called to ask for a weight limit, the agent actually had no idea, and after some cajoling came up with, "Well, maybe 200 pounds? I mean, it has to be reasonable, you know."

So yes, packing for a cruise is quite the adventure on its own. And it's a nice one!