Battle fatigue, obesity, and customer service

I know I've talked about sleep, or lack thereof on this blog before, but lately, the whole lack-of-sleep thing is becoming less of a red badge of courage and more like an albatross around my neck. I mean, we're at the point where I'm wondering if  plastic surgery to remove wrinkles that were clearly caused by sleep deprivation which is clearly the result of an insane work schedule counts as a tax deduction, and if coffee can be taken intravenously. On the upside, I have also finally found the cure for adult obesity and terrible customer service.

For those readers just joining me, allow me to elaborate ever so briefly (all other readers, feel free to let your mind wander for a few sentences). As you have probably surmised, husband-dear and the Air Force have a close, working relationship.  And in spite of its many flaws, the Air Force is very efficient in some things, such as changing TDYs at the last moment, canceling one's orders, and making sure everyone gets to work as quickly as possible. Because our current base is so large, the Air Force, in all its wisdom, has staggered the times at which different units start their work days. As a result, husband-dear is expected to be at work no later than 6am. Yes, people, that would be six in the morning. So to make sure we actually see each other at night before going to bed at yet another ungodly hour, I have adjusted my schedule to his.

So I get up at 5 in the morning.
Every morning.

And as of this semester, my body has apparently decided it's really done with that, thankyouverymuch. It doesn't even matter what time I go to bed anymore, my body has had enough with the getting up early thing. 

So the past few weeks, all I've managed to do is drive to work, teach, collapse at my desk, and half-heartedly try to grade some papers, or perhaps take a stab at  a research project, but the vigor from earlier years is definitely missing. Instead, when I step out to go to the bathroom, I look in the mirror, and realize that the bags under my eyes so lovingly placed there by family genetics have decided to pack two bags of their own this morning.

I also finally understand why so many Americans are overweight. It's their lack of sleep. Yes, seriously. You see, ever since I've started to feel as though every day is a marathon, I've also been eating like a pig. If my body can't get its energy from sleep, it will dang-it-you-got-that-right get it from food. And so I eat. Thankfully, I also exercise, so I have yet to start resembling a beached whale, but I can see why so many people here do. It's not because they don't exercise, but because they don't get enough sleep. Well-rested people are just not as hungry. American doesn't need a "60 minutes of play!" program, it needs a "let's cut the workday back to seven hours!" movement.

Moreover, I am also beginning to grasp why American customer service is the best in the world. It's because tired people have zero patience. I mean, I'm pretty sure there are two women in our human resources department who will never ever again tell a faculty member that there really only is one person who can fix a certain glitch and that that person is on leave for the entire week. The best way to avoid a tired person's wrath is to a) know what you're doing and talking about, and b) be really, really nice about it.

I'm telling you people, sleep is what makes the world go round.