My own TDY

Since I am not sure if I will be able to get on to Blogger from China, I scheduled a few posts before leaving home. This is one of them. Rest assured that if I can't access my blog from China, I will update you all in great detail once I'm home! 

When pondering the life of a military spouse, most people immediately identify with the picture of the military wife left behind while her husband leaves. It seems logical to think about her struggles first, as so much attention is already being paid to the "men (and women) serving overseas". You might wonder what it's like to go to bed alone every night. Or to take care of 2, 3, 4, or even 5 children on your own. Or to pay all the bills, juggle the chores, do maintenance on the house (as everything that can break will on a deployment or TDY - Temporary Duty), file your own taxes, raise your children, all without someone by your side.

Living in a military environment, I know all about how difficult it is to always be the one left behind. The struggles, the loneliness, and to top it all of, the confusion that should never arise but always does, when the spouse returns home. It's easy to think that even though your spouse is heading into battle, for him (or her) the separation will somehow be easier. He won't be dealing with frozen pipes, a sudden infestation of cockroaches, or your child's unwillingness to eat anything green. Sure, he'll be far away, possibly in danger, but for him, time will fly, and he will rest easy knowing that his home is well taken care of.

This current trip to China is the first time for us that I have been the one to leave for an extended period of time. Granted, I'm not fighting a war anywhere (unless we're counting opening students' minds to other cultures as a battle, which for the sake of this post, we shall not), but my departure is neither entirely voluntary, nor does it qualify as vacation. Husband-dear has been calling it my TDY (a term usually used by the Air Force to denote a "business trip" to anyplace across the world, although usually not one involving battle, although that too has started to change lately), and honestly, that is what it feels like. And to be honest, being on the departing end is no less fun or any easier than being on the "staying at home" end.

I know husband-dear will do great while I'm gone. He knows how to cook, do his own laundry, and he's been known to run the vacuum cleaner every once a while too, so he'll probably do very well for himself. But leaving everything in his control is the scariest thing I have ever done. I have posted lists of important phone numbers on the fridge (which includes the the cleaning lady, just FYI), I have shown him at least three times how to use the breadmaker, I have installed Teamviewer on his laptop in case something breaks, I have begged him to remember to turn off the stove and the oven, and I have made sure every single important date and appointment is on the calendar in big fat letters.

Right before I left, I asked husband-dear if he always felt this powerless ever time he had to leave.
"Oh yeah, " He replied, "Sure. The one who stays behind has to take care of everything, true, but when you're the one leaving, it also means you have to give up everything. You have to completely trust them to know it all, do it all, and be OK through it all. And that's really scary."
Honestly, I had never thought about it that way. I mean, seriously, any military spouse worth his or her salt can deal with a broken water heater, a freaked out kid, and a major deadline at work in one day without even thinking twice about it. So why would anyone worry?

Well, now I see why. Because you're a team. You do things together. And suddenly putting everything on the other partner just doesn't feel right, no matter what the reason.

So there you have it. I've learned a little something this past month. Staying behind is the hardest thing to do, but leaving, well, it's right up there too.