The bathroom rhyme

As some of you may recall, I have a thing with bathrooms. I've written about the strange propensity of American public restroom stalls to have gaps so wide you can easily use them to hold your clutch while you're using your facilities. I've written about the lack of decent bathrooms in China, and I've waxed lyrical about the awesomeness of a bathroom visit at work. I have in fact, added a label specifically for this obsession of mine, since I have the feeling this won't be the last time I'll be posting about my various bathroom experiences.

Lately, however, my bathroom experience at work has been marred by a custom that I think might possibly be a truly American invention: the bathroom rhyme.

The bathroom rhyme is nothing more than an admonition to the various bathroom users to do or not do something, set to an iambic pentameter, and written so that it rhymes. They're usually printed on brightly colored paper with a smiley face, a bunch of flowers, or some other interesting graphics pulled from Microsoft Words' selection of symbols. A very popular one would be:

"If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
Please be neat and wipe the seat!"

While in Holland, one might find a brusque white piece of paper hung over the toilet stating something like, "(please) wipe the seat after usage!" , here in the US we like to make our toilet users smile. Or chuckle. Or at least have an enjoyable experience while wiping one's urine off the toilet seat. As I'm obviously not a fan of these little bursts of poetry, I'm not sure what the maker is trying to accomplish, other than annoy the heck out of people, but I'm sure they serve some sort of purpose really well, as I see them everywhere.

I've seen these admonitions at the kids' schools, in office buildings, and really any other place filled with the same type of female who will have those encouraging slogans hanging in her cubicle, say things like, "Oh my stars!", and wear hose regardless of the outside temperature. I have, however, never seen them in an academic environment. Well, except the College of Education, but they don't count. They are known to, in an effort to convey the power of teaching through visual aids and bulletin boards, use colorful bulletin boards complete with 3D symbols and slogans to explain everything down to how to apply for Financial Aid. But I digress.

I had never seen these things at work until last week. I was happy. I knew to keep the bathroom clean, and judging by its appearance, so did everyone else. But then one day,when I sat down to do my business, I noticed a new sign on our door. It was neon green, and in bold curly script told the user to "Please don't be in such a rush, when you're done make sure you flush!".

I was so appalled that this fourth grade level PSA style had now also made it into my bathroom, that when I stepped out (after making sure I had flushed, of course), and saw our new secretary coming down the hallway, I said, "Hey, did you see the new sign in the bathroom?"
"Yes!" She beamed, "I wrote that. People kept forgetting to flush. Do you like it?"
As a true southerner, I spoke up before I gave any further thought to the matter, "Yes, it's very cute."
"Good!" The woman warmed to her task, "I was thinking we could also use something to ask people to wipe the seat."
And before I knew it, I once again piped up, "How about 'if you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat'. They use that in the college of education."
"Oh, that is just a great idea! I think I'll use that!" I think the women might have been genuinely excited at my suggestions. I, on the other hand, am still not sure what on earth came over me at that moment.

Anyway, we now have two signs adorning our bathroom. One green, one yellow.  And I'm sure there are more to come now that someone has opened the floodgates. I'm thinking "Don't be dope, wash your hands with soap" might be next, but trust me, they won't get it from me.