Raising kids: Southern style:

I think we can all agree on the fact that parenting is a confusing process. Throw an intercultural marriage in to the mix, and a move to the bible belt of the USA, and you know you’re in for at least a few surprises.

Today, for instance, I learned that allowing fourth grade boys to discuss their dislike of armpit hair is deemed inappropriate by most southern, Christian mothers. I was chaperoning a group of 3^rd to 5^th graders at a summer camp on base, and while decorating wooden dolls, a few boys chose to add armpit hair, an idea I actually thought was really funny. Apparently the other chaperones did not share my amusement, and asked the boys to cease their discussion. Personally, I always thought that armpit hair was fairly innocuous, but apparently not all mothers share that opinion.

Moreover, I used to always think that “crap” was a universally acceptable alternative for the “sh**”word, but I am pretty sure I have seriously offended some women at the summer camp this week by using that term once or twice. I think the worst I heard them say was “Well, sheesh”, or “Goodness me!” , or the somewhat funny “All my stars” or the more daring “Dang”. I realize that the best solution to that would be to never cuss at all (here in the south, even using the word “swear” or “curse” is pretty much unacceptable), but goodness gracious (to stay within acceptable vocabulary boundaries), I don’t think I’m capable of remaining saintly at all times (if ever), especially when I’m at the end of my rope.

On the other hand, I know that I have picked up on a few things that would surprise my Dutch friends and family. I, for instance, don’t expect strange children to call me by my first name, unless I know them really well. I’ve quickly picked up on the southern habit of having children address strange adults with “Miss or Mr (first name)”. When I was a child, I used to call strange adults either “tante” (aunt) or “oom” (uncle), or in some cases, even just by their first name. Nowadays, though, when a strange child hollors out my first name across the street, I find myself doing a double-take, after all, most southern children are taught otherwise. So, yes, I have to admit that I kind of like adding the “Miss” or “Mr” to people’s first names. Call me old-fashioned, but it somehow inspires immediate respect.

The one thing that I know takes Dutch people aback is that I expect all children, but especially mine, to say “Yes ma’am” when I give them an order. This is something my husband grew up doing, and thus raised his children to do too, and I’ve quickly adapted. However, I never really realized how much I’ve gotten used to this until today when one of the children in my group acted out. I told him to stop doing that, and when he merely said “yeah” I found myself becoming even more upset with him, for not showing me proper respect. Yes, I know, I’m becoming a lot more southern than I realize. Well, at least I’m not yet expecting my children to like dirt-track racing (please God, no), chew tobacco (don’t think so), or to eat their collared greens (mainly because I don’t like them either).