Hang up and drive!

Just like probably everybody else, I don’t really like it when someone tells me what to do without adding a “please”. I don’t care if someone is a police officer, a security guard, or even my husband, my motto has always been manners don’t cost a thing, so use them. Although I understand that signs directing people or traffic aren’t always big enough to obey Miss Manners’ ground rules for interaction, I am pleasantly surprised when they do. And, fortunately for me, here in the US they seem to make a hobby out of making all signs, even traffic signs, as pleasant as possible.

When leaving any store here, a sign will remind you, just in case it had slipped your mind in the frazzle of shopping, to have a great day. When you want to return your cart, a sign will tell you to “please return your carts here”. When leaving the post office parking lot, residents of my town are confronted with a little sign that reminds them to “please buckle up, it is the law". The fact that you are actually breaking a law if you don't and can get a hefty fine if you're caught is simply reduced to a "please, it would be really great if you could cooperate if at all possible". At the same time a sign by the gate on base tells drivers to “please have your IDs out and ready”. Obviously, you're not going to get anywhere on base without an ID, and hey, if the John Lennons at the gate don't like the looks of you you, they can take as long they want, but at least they make it sound pleasant and nice. Like you actually have a choice. But I digress. All these signs are a pleasant change from some of the traffic signs in Europe. Not only do Europeans prefer the odd symbols I wrote about earlier, their signs are also a whole lot more direct. Now I hate to point fingers, but when it comes to directness, German road signs probably take the cake. Their signs are usually very terse, leaving the driver wonder what on earth s/he is supposed to do. To this day, I am still not sure what sort of action I’m supposed to take when I see a red triangle with the word “rollspitz!”in it. I’m pretty sure they don’t want me to roll over, or get on point shoes, which are the only two things that come to mind right away. Or how about those random red triangles with exclamation marks they seem to put every 100ft? I realize they mean I’m supposed to watch out for something, but what? Grocery store parking lots don’t have signs reminding you to please put your cart here, they merely have a symbol of a cart and an arrow. Efficient? Definitely. Nice? Not so much.

What I absolutely love about traffic signs is when you can see that the makers tried to be creative. I love the slogans they post all over the Georgia interstate, with cute little rhymes like “clicket or ticket”, and “don’t drink and drive, arrive alive”. Or how about little signs of storks with babies in diapers in their mouth and the words “stork parking: Pregnant women and women with little children only”? Not only is the sign absolutely adorable, having traveled with very pregnant friends, the principle is really great. Although my liberated little soul can't help bu wonder where this leaves the stay-at-home dads. Anyway, my absolute favorite would have be the sign I saw in the maternity center’s parking lot the other day: “Buckle up! Somebody needs you!”. It’s a road sign and Oprah boost of confidence all in one!

Fortunately, European road sign producers have started to catch on to this trend as well. When I visited Holland a few months ago, I was absolutely delighted at a sign I saw at a highway ramp. It accompanied a traffic light that let drivers know when they could merge on to the highway and read “Groen: Een auto. Rood: Een foto” (Green: one car. Red: One photo). Although the rhyme is a little iffy, I thought the whole idea of reducing a ticket received because your picture was taken by a police camera to “a photo” was absolutely brilliant.

And you know what’s great about these little rhymes? They stick. Perhaps I’m a tad neurotic, but I can probably recite every odd slogan I have ever seen alongside the road. Maybe if we were to turn every road sign into a little rhyme, people would have less trouble sticking to the rules. How about "Hang up and drive" for cellphones? Or how about "There is never a need for speed" for sticking to the speed limit? And if these don't help increase traffic safety, they would at least make my day far more enjoyable, so what's the hold up?