Southern directions

For almost two years now, I have been giving people in our part of the world the benefit of the doubt when it came to giving directions. Whenever we would get another set of directions that went something like this; "Take a right at the Burger King where the K is not lit up, and then I think we're the third road. Or maybe the second. Well anyway, we're right off that main road right there", we assumed we just didn't know the town well enough to know what "right off the main road" meant. But today I have officially decided that people in my town cannot give their directions if their life depended on it.

Now I'm not picky. I'm not one of those people who needs to know miles or number of feet, although if you tell me 100 yards, or 1.2 miles, I will know how to deal with that. I also don't need an endless list of landmarks ("You know the Ryan's on Corder? Well, turn there, and then you will see the First Methodist on your right and a Checkers on your left.."). Yes, I am a woman, but if you just tell me things like "take a left at the third light and then a right at the second stop sign, I will do fine. I have a map, I have a brain, and I can read signs, and in the past I have always done fine. I have driven through some of the largest cities in Europe, all across Germany, and, a few years ago, drove close to a thousand miles from Holland to the south of France by myself on nothing but a road map. I don't mean to sound arrogant here, but I used to think I did pretty OK driving myself around.

Until I moved here. It has taken me forever to learn the layout of this town. And when I say forever, I mean that I am sometimes still stymied when it comes to finding a place. I'm not sure what the problem is. It could be because our town is a bewildering mix of grid system and roads meandering all over the place. It could also very well be blamed on the fact that in our town, every street looks pretty much the same, with a smattering of stripmalls, a few car dealerships, a Walmart, and a dozen fast food places. But what has really set me back, and as of today, I am no longer afraid to say it, is the people's inability to give normal directions.

Just today, I was trying to find a radiologist's office (due to an unfortunate incident involving a wall and my toe, my foot need an Xray), and got the following directions: "You know where Ryan's is on First? Well, you take a right there, opposite the Checker's, and then we're right there.". I had the Ryan's and Checker's part down, I even know which corner the lady was talking about. But "right there"? Where the heck is that?

But, I'm not one to give up quickly. After hearing "right there" so often, I have developed an, if I may say so myself, uncanny ability to drive and look for what they person was describing. I have uncovered subdivision signs half hidden by shrubbery while doing 45mph, I can read those little bitty doctor's signs they put out on the roadside from a good ways away, and I can spot stores from the other side of the road. So I thought I would give it a go. And I did. I turned the corner by the Checker's (which is opposite a Walgreens's, I always wonder why no one ever mentions that), and started looking. Nothing. There was a church on my right, a law office, and a huge mall on my left. But no little bitty doctor's sign. So I called the number again, and explained where I was.
"Yeah, you're right there. We're inside the mall."

Someone please tell me why on earth you would not mention that. A mall is a landmark. It's a huge landmark in fact. It's not even a close approximation of "right there". It's a mall! That's when I gave up. The fact that I still struggle to find doctors and dentists and friend's houses is not my fault. It's the directions. Simple as that.