Good morning to you!

I think I can venture where no non-self-complimenting Dutch person has gone before, and state with some amount of certainty that I am very happy, upbeat, optimistic, and mostly friendly person. I like smiling, as evidenced by the various wrinkles that have started to pop up around my eyes, I like talking to people, and I generally like helping people out, as long as you're not a student asking me to change your grade. However, the general tendency of Americans to greet each other in all locations and at all times, including really early in the morning is starting to drive me slightly batty.

Now for those Americans among my readers, who are once again wondering what I'm complaining about, allow me to explain how Europeans greet each other. And here's the catch: they don't. Unless they know you, the Dutch, Germans, British, French, and pretty much any other European nationality I can think of, will not even look at you when they happen to run into you. If you're very lucky, you may run into a particularly social specimen, who might grunt something unintelligible, or nod, but that is really the most you can expect. In fact, most Europeans I know are so not used to strangers wishing them a good day that they immediately suspect foul play if someone does greet them; are they trying to rob me? Is my hair askew? Do I have toiletpaper hanging off my shoe? Now it's nothing personal. Europeans probably don't like strangers any more or less than Americans do, but people living in the Old World simply have an incredible appreciation for their own and others' privacy.

Now imagine having lived in Germany for a considerable amount of time, the country where even people who are supposed to be nice, such as shopkeepers and salesmen, will treat you with contempt, and moving to the south, where everyone not only says hello and good morning, but immediately makes you feel like their very best friend by throwing in a "dear" or "honey". It was a shock to say the least.

But I've adapted well. I say hello to most everyone I see, I wave at complete strangers from my car, and spend most of my time outside my own office or house with a smile on my face. However, merely saying "hello" or "good morning" is not enough down here. You actually have to profess an interest in the other person by asking "how are you", and answering their inquiry as well. Again, I don't mind doing that at all. No matter how miserable I might be, I can squeeze out a "fine, thanks, and you?" any time of day. But why do people do this all day long, no matter how many times you see them, no matter how busy you may seem, or in how much of a rush you are?

Allow me to paint a picture for you. The building I work in is positively huge. If I need to be in the dean's office, and then drop something off at academic affairs I need to take out at least thirty minutes for the walk alone. I usually don't have time to do whatever it is I'll be doing, so it needs to be done fast. Being the little energizer bunny that I am, I pretty much speedwalk my way through the hallways. So if there is someone passing me, we will catch maybe just a glimpse of each other, enough to say "hi" or "morning", but that is it. Unfortunataly, a mere "hi" is never enough for a southerner. So even when I'm rushing by so fast there is breeze down the hallway, people will still ask the ubiquitous; "And how are you doing today?". Being the nice person that I am, I will then feel obligated to slow down, and rush a "great, thanks, how 'bout you" out of my mouth. And God forbid that a person is of a slightly older generation, because they will launch into a drawled, "Why, I feel so very blessed today, thank you dear. Now you have a great day", forcing me to come to almost a complete standstill to listen to their benediction. Or imagine that happening when you're on a run. You can't? Well, trust me, it has. It doesn't matter that you might be wearing an IPod, look as though you're about to pass out, or are right in the middle of a sprint interval; people will still want to make sure you know they've seen you.

Please don't think I'm a grinch. I'm not. Really. But when I'm at work, and it's 8am, and I have a lot to do, could everyone just please stop trying to be so very nice? Or when I'm in the middle of a long painful run, could you just acknowledge my presence with a wave? I mean, I never thought I would say this, but I long for a little German contempt sometimes. Or a British nod. I would love that. Something quick, easy, and that will not take you out of your zone. Thanks.