Listen carefully...

...for I shall say this only once

Michelle ~ Allo, Allo

After four years at my current school, and ten years of teaching in higher education, I have can now confidently claim to know the key to academic success:

Listen.

Lame? Absolutely not. Obvious? Don't think so.

Yes, you need intelligence. And the ability to plan and prioritize. Not to mention a healthy dosage of work ethic. But above all, you need to listen, and listen well. Don't just look at me as though you're listening, but really open your ears and pay attention.

Seriously, if students were to do this, their life (and mine) would be so much easier. For one thing, there would be no need for me to repeat where the registrar's office is three times to the same student. Freshmen advisement sessions would last thirty minutes at best, and not need to take hours and hours because students had not listened properly and thus did not know what to do. Forms could be explained once, and that would be it. In short, advisement would take half the time it does now.

And if advisement were to be this affected by carefully listening students, imagine what it would do to my classes! We would actually have time to debate some of the concepts introduced in the classroom, as there would be no need to repeat due dates, minimum page requirements, book titles, and group assignments.

In case you think I'm joking: the staff member in the office next to mine has been able to tell students what they wanted to know about advisement and my class for about a year now because she's heard me repeat myself over and over and over again. Even husband-dear knows my class deadlines better than some of my students. And after one long phone-advisement session, the kids, much to my merriment, were able to repeat my "please make sure you take such and such form to this and that office" mantra without any mistakes.

Some days I think I should just create a set of note cards with some standard answers that I can just hold up when students come in. Or simply hand them the handbook and make them read it front to back until they found the answer themselves.

Instead, however, I've (well, a co-worker found it here) found something far better. I'm going to give my students a "how well do you pay attention" quiz at the beginning of the semester. It may not focus on listening, but paying attention is pretty close. For your amusement, I have pasted the quiz below. And those of you who read this entire blog and scoffed? Take it, please. And let me know how well you did.

Three minute timed test.

1. Read everything before doing anything.

2. Put your name in the upper left-hand corner of this paper

3. Circle the word "name" in sentence two

4. Draw five small squares in the upper left hand corner of this paper

5. Put an X in each square

6. Sign your name under the title of this paper.

7. After the title write "Yes, yes, yes."

8. Put a circle around sentence seven.


9. Put an X in the lower left-hand corner of this paper


10. Draw a triangle around the X you just put down.


11. On the back of this paper, multiply 70 by 43.


12. Call out your first name when you get this point in the test.


13. If you think you have followed directions up to this point, call out "I have"


14. In your normal speaking voice, count from ten to one backward


15. Punch three small holes in the top of this paper with your pencil


16. If you are the first person to get this far, call out loudly "I am the first person to get to this point, and I am the leader in following directions!"


17. Underline all even numbers on the side of this page


18. Put a square around every number written on this test.


19. Say out loud, "I am nearly finished, I have followed directions!"


20. Now that you have finished reading the directions, do only number 2.