Indoctri..squirrel!

For those of you who fortunate enough to not be confronted with news about the ongoing, seemingly never-ending battle for the Republican Presidential nominee, first of all: a heartfelt congratulations. I am certain that unlike the rest of us, you still have faith in the democratic system, and think of the upcoming Presidential election with nothing but wide-eyed anticipation. Second, and this can be seen as both a blessing or a curse, you have probably also missed the second faux-pas of the century by Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum. Yes, the second. The first "oh dear Lord what did he just say" moment was a few weeks ago, when Mr. Santorum decided to use the Netherlands as an example why euthanasia is wrong. And evil. And really on a par with geriatric genocide. The second gaffe of the day occurred last week, when Santorum decided to tackle Obama's perspective on college education.

Before I go any further, however, a brief disclaimer might be in order.
As you have probably noticed, I try to be decidedly a-political on this blog. I avoid talking about politics, just because things get polarized in a heartbeat, and before you know it, your quaint little blog has been taken over by a flame war between the hippy-skippers on the left and the bible-beaters on the right. For this one particular post, however, I am making an exception. And not because I dislike Santorum, or have a preference for any of the other candidates, or because I do really like Santorum, and think all the others are losers, and am trying to hide it by writing a vitriol-filled post about him.  I am making an exception solely based on the, well, wonderment I experienced when I first heard Mr. Santorum's view on college education.

You see, Rick Santorum, former senator of Pennsylvania, believes that the only reason President Obama wants every American child to be able to go to college is so that they can be "indoctrinated to a secular world view". In fact, according to Rick Santorum, colleges can be best described as "indoctrination mills". (sources can be found here and here). Now leaving aside the fact that most research has found this claim to be untrue (see here, for instance), let's talk about this for a moment.

To sum it all up, according to Rick Santorum, I as a faculty member, try to consciously or unconsciously indoctrinate my students into not believing (for the sake of the argument, I'm going to assume Rick, as the conservative Christian that he is, is not too concerned about Muslim or Hindu students losing their faith, but is instead worried about good Christian kids being turned away from God, Jesus, the whole nine yards). There are several obvious problems with that. First, I believe myself. As do many other faculty members with me. Why would I want to change my students' beliefs if I believe the same thing? Second, I don't really talk about religion in my classes. I'm a Professor in Mass Communication, and believe it or not, I only get paid to talk about what I know. Which happens to be mass communication, not religion. And third, my job as a university Professor is to teach students to think critically. In fact, I know I have successfully done my job only when students challenge a statement made by me, using the theories I introduced to them earlier in the semester. It would seem that that goes directly against the notion of indoctrination. Unless Rick Santorum honestly believes I use some sort of reverse psychology, where I tell students to believe in God, tell them that the Christian way is the only way, and then only give points if they unknowingly challenge that, using theories I taught them. Or not. Oy. I just made my head hurt.

But, Rick, may I call you Rick? Rick, you and I both know that's not why I'm writing this blog. You have obviously never been a Professor. Or worked in academics. Or in education in general. For had you had any experience in this field you would have known your statement is not so much untrue as it is absolutely preposterous. Indoctrinate my students? Really, Rick?

You want to know what teaching at the college level is like? Honey, let's talk about stapling. So the syllabus tells them, literally, "Staple your paper in the left hand corner". I remind them in class, "Please staple your paper. No paper clips, no corners folded over, no fancy folders. Just a staple." And what do I get? Three stapled papers, three without anything, four with the corner folded over, four in folders so large the papers won't fit in my bag, and three students forgot to print their paper out at all. And if you think that's it, wait until I tell them to read a certain chapter in class. I will finish the announcement with, "So don't forget, it will be on the midterm", and then all of a sudden, students wake up; "What did we have to do?", "Did we have to read something?", "Is there a midterm?", "Oh, wait there's a midterm? When? What's on it?".
And sweetie, those are the good classes.

My average student has an attention span that's about fifteen minutes long. If you use video, you might be able to extend that with an additional five minutes, but that's about it. They need potty breaks, phone breaks, texting breaks, get-a-snack-breaks every thirty minutes. They will get distracted by a woman in a red coat walking by an open classroom door. They will wander in ten minutes late, completely surprised to find class has already started. Do you have any children, Rick sweetie darling? If you do, you might have watched the movie "Up" with them. You know the dog in that movie? The one that when he sees a squirrel, he completely forgets what he's doing, where he is, and is only capable of panting "squirrel!" before leaping off to chase it? That dog? Yeah, that's what it's like to teach in higher education these days.

So indoctrination, I don't think so.