Sticks and giggles: I don't think so

If there is one thing Americans are really, really good at, it's taking things seriously. From their police officers, to their border patrol, to their diets, and their sports, Americans do not mess around y'all. Rules are made to be obeyed, people in uniform are there to be respected, and competitions are made to be won. Period.

To many Europeans, especially the smart-mouthed, egalitarian Dutch, this can come as a nasty surprise. While in The Netherlands, rules are really more "rules", and anyone in any position of authority is usually open to some form of debate (as anyone who has ever had to get anything done at the local gemeentehuis can tell you), in the US, these are not things to be trifled with. "No cell phones" really means No. Cell. Phones (as opposed to "no cell phones. Really. Please. Please?"), and if a police officer informs you that you were speeding you tell him "Thank you"and "Have a nice day", and you do not tell him that he must have left his eyes in his backpocket (his broekzak), for there is no way you were going over 70mph, and why can't he do something useful like catch real criminals.

This tendency to take things seriously is, of course, not all doom and gloom. There are plenty of examples of Americans taking things seriously in a good way. Think about donating time and money to charities for instance. Almost every single American I know donates considerable sums of money (and usually time) to the local hospice, the homeless shelter, the animal shelter, the VA hospital, habitat for humanity, the local school district, and so on. In the US, a charity is not embodied by a wind-blown, cold, and probably wet person appearing on your doorstep with a collection tin once a year. No, over here, charity is what everyone does on a semi-regular basis. Charities, like police officers, are taken very seriously.

Another thing Americans take very seriously is school-related competitions. And I'm not just talking about athletics (you know, the fact that no one raises an eyebrow at universities announcing the construction of a new $1 million stadium in the same press release where one hears about the cutting of several academic program). No, I'm talking about art competitions, theater productions, music programs, science fairs, spelling bees, Model UNs, debate teams, you name it, if it can compete, it will, and it will do so in the very best way possible. There will be car washes to raise money, t-shirts, bonding activities, hours of practice and preparation, cheers, parental involvement, trips to Disneyworld, and the list just goes on and on.

With two boys who are positively allergic to anything that reeks of school or team spirit, we've somehow managed to stay out of this fray for the past decade or so. The oldest took a shot at playing soccer on base for a year, and then participated in something called "Odyssey of the Mind" for a few years (Please don't ask me what that is, it's something with play-acting and problem-solving, and well, I still really don't get it), and then there was band for a few years, and that was it. We've been, somewhat happily, left out of the mandatory carpooling, the fundraising, the meetings, and all the other drama involved with these kinds of activities. Somewhat happily because of course you want your child involved in school (especially since husband-dear and I both were heavily involved in school activities when we were kids), but because thinking about a carpooling schedule and finding time to bake a bazillion cookies was enough to send me into a spiraling panic attack ("I already have so much to do! I can't do this! When am I going to find the time?").

But with Jimmie making the high school marching band, we have now hit the parental involvement jackpot. Let me tell you, southerners take marching bands very, very seriously. While up north the marching band is more of an afterthought, down here it is on a par with the football team. People will go to football games just to watch the marching band perform. There are showcases, competitions, inter-high-school battles, and scholarships. For those Dutchies among my readers who compare a marching band to their local fanfare, or perhaps dweilorkest, think again. These bands have up to 200 members, they learn thirty minute routines (which includes playing music, marching in complicated patterns, and since we're in the south, some serious booty shaking). In short, marching band is not to be trifled with.

So upon Jimmie's acceptance into band, we received a list of necessities as well as his summer schedule. I'm not sure how to describe it, other than I think I just got a second job. Not only does the poor child need about $400 worth of uniform (pants, shirt, suspenders, jacket, hat, shoes, and a "bib" whatever that may be), he has a summer training schedule that is insane. Not only is he expected at school every weekend between now and the end of the semester, but he will also spend the last three weeks of summer at school. Five days a week from 8am until 12 noon, and then from 6pm until 9pm. Oh, and there will be a mandatory rookie band camp. On a weekend sometime before school starts. Then once school starts, there will be mandatory practices every day of the week, and a performance on Saturday. Oy.

And the best part? There is a mandatory parents' meeting as well. One where we will be told about our responsibilities (get your kid to practice, keep his instrument and clothes clean and in working order), and requirements (spend at least three football games working the concession stand). Oy vey.

I know I said I was excited about Jimmie joining the band, but I'm beginning to think they're taking this band thing way, way too seriously.