What (not) to wear

So I'm heading to Holland sometime in December, and the one thing I have been obsessing about over the past few weeks is what to wear. Not whom to see, where to stay, or what to buy in the form of Christmas presents. Oh no, most of those decisions have been pushed into November (ehm, the last two weeks of November, I guess).  Instead I've spend a lot of time agonizing over whether my winter coat was warm and fashionable enough, whether my jeans could still pass muster, and whether I needed to go out and buy a couple of new pairs of shoes.

So, you may wonder, why this sudden insecurity about what to wear? Especially when heading back to a country that will most likely be colder than a witch's tit, and where most people will thus not care a whole lot about what you look like as long as you're warm? Well, that last statement, therein lies the problem. You see, that's what an American would say. Up in Ohio or New England, or any other place where it gets really cold, most people don't really give a small rodent's behind about whether or not their purple LL Bean winter coat is fashionable, or whether their lined boots meet the latest fashion standards. Up there, it's all about staying warm, and that's that. A Dutch person, unfortunately, does not think like that.

I've mentioned this before, but Dutch people are a lot more fashion-conscious than most Americans. There is no wandering through the house in your sweatpants, rushing to the grocery store in your husband's old sweatshirt, or heading out of the house in an outfit that's not carefully thought out. In fact, my basic summer attire of shorts and a t-shirt (usually one earned at a race of some sort) would be flat-out rejected by most Dutchies as either too plain, too trashy (especially if you have the courage to wear, shudder, sneakers with your shorts), or too unfashionable (I mean, really, who wears shorts and a t-shirt, when you can wear a lovely A-lined skirt with a sleeveless button-down and matching espadrilles!).

And as anyone familiar with Dutch people knows, they love to speak their mind. They love, love, love, love it. In fact, telling a Dutch person they've just insulted you will hardly ever lead to an apology, but almost always to a innocent, wide-eyed, "Well, but I was just telling you what I thought...". Being direct, my dear readers, is a virtue.

Now put those two together, and you could see how Dutch people might be quick to inform anyone not quite dressed to their standards of their heinously poor fashion choices. And that's where my worrying begins.
You see, during my last visits to Holland, I had already noticed that my sense of fashion and the Dutch idea of en-vogue were starting to drift apart somewhat. There was the infamous "leggings under skirts" phase I refused to partake in. But also the "leggings with long t-shirts and belts" fad that I steered clear from. Not to mention the funky habit of combining really hideous colors (think neon pink and bright orange) dubiously dubbed "colour blocking" by the Dutch trendwatchers.
It's not that I walk around stuck in mom-jeans from the 1980s, or lumberjack shirts from the 1990s even, it's just that here in the south, fashion is a little less, well, extreme. Sure, there are women in really tight pants hovering around the malls of the south, and I'm pretty sure I have seen several students in oversized, neon-colored sweaters with belts looped around their waist. But I've also seen plenty of women like myself in boot-cut pants with no-nonsense tops and jackets in earthy hues. Women who, at least down here, get away with not going along with every single latest trend, but just wearing things that are comfortable and somewhat timeless.

I worry because if I look at my friends and relatives back in Holland, they don't do timeless. They don't appear to do comfortable (OK, perhaps I'm wrong here, but when pants are that tight, are they really comfortable?). They just appear to do hip. And fashionable. And tight jeans in tall, clunky boots. And cool-looking coats. And a whole host of other things I don't own, and am probably not aware of. And I worry I am going to stand out like a sore thumb when I go back. Everyone is going to look at me, and not just think that I'm another American, no, they're going to think that I'm another American with no sense of style.

And I don't like that. So I gave in, and bought my first pair of tall, clunky boots last week (the fact that they were on sale at the BX, and really warm helped too). I also ordered a hat that should be both warm and hip (and not just warm).  And my trusty LL Bean wintercoat? Did it pass? Well, although it definitely passed the "is it warm enough" verdict, it didn't even come close to meeting the "European fashionista" bar, and so it will be staying home. I will be taking my brand new, warm-but-trendy wintercoat to Holland with me. Now I just need to find a pair of jeans to go with those brand new boots...