National Day of Listening

Yesterday, as I was sitting in the studio of our student-run radio station, taping a segment of a talk show, I suddenly realized how much people talk and how little they listen. For the first time that day, I found myself really making a conscious effort to listen to what our guest had to say, without thinking about what I could say to make the conversation more interesting, funny, or enjoyable.

Now I don’t want all of you to think that I’m one of those people who pretends to listen and then doesn’t. I don’t do that. Well, except maybe when my husband is talking about his wild plans to purchase a boat again. Or when a student comes in with an excuse. Or when my co-worker Steve wants to talk about assigning square footage in the new building again. In those cases I nod and smile and then forget all about it. But in most other cases, I listen. I do. Just not all the time.

However, living in a part of the world where asking how someone is and then not waiting for the answer is perfectly normal, I have begun to wonder how often we, or I, actually listen to people. How often have you said “How are you?”, “That’s just great!”, or “I’m so sorry” today, while you were really thinking about something else? If you live in the south, I will bet my husband’s yet to be bought boat that it was at least once. It seems as though conversations down here are about establishing the feel of a relationship so much more than they are about actually getting to know people. And the social scientist in me thinks that is a missed opportunity.

As I’ve mentioned before, I spend at least two hours each day listening to NPR. Without wanting to go into my unparalleled adoration for NPR once again, I do want to point out how much I enjoy just listening to their content. NPR is different in that it doesn’t just present quick snippets of news, but it also airs segments on very mundane topics such “Life in a town where the textile industry shut down”, or “Dating among Hindustani in the US”. Segments which provide a brief glimpse into people’s daily lives, and allows listeners to hear their voices and walk in their shoes for just a few minutes. One my favorite segments is something called “StoryCorps”, a series where each week a regular person talks about a special event or struggle in their life.

Every time I hear a new StoryCorps fragment, I realize how important it is to listen while you still can. My maternal grandmother, Truus, lived through the second world war, and was never given an opportunity to talk about the trauma she lived through. The horrors of evacuation, of losing her home, not knowing if her family was alright, of spending three years in another part of the country with people she did not know and whose religion she did not share. She would always drop snippets of memories here and there, but no one ever truly listened. And then one summer, right after college graduation, I, a newly minted social scientist, told my grandmother I would bring in a tape recorder and she could tell me her entire life story. My grandmother seemed so excited. But it never happened. I got a job, went to work, forgot all about my promise, and three months later my grandmother died. And no one ever got to listen to her story.

This Friday has been proclaimed the National Day of Listening. A day in which people are encouraged to truly listen to those they love, and maybe even those they don’t know that well. I’m a little embarrassed to think of all those times I have thought of people who just jabbered on as a nuisance. I guess all they wanted was someone to listen to them. So this Thanksgiving holiday, I am going to make a conscious effort to really listen. And yes, Steve, next time you come in with building plans, I promise I will listen to you too.