Obesity, 5Ks, and extra credit

As anyone who's been following the news, trying to buy clothes, or just stopped in at their local Walmart can tell you; America is gaining weight. And not just a little weight, no, America, according to this latest CDC report, is quickly becoming a nation of very, very big people. Another, equally depressing report found that almost 33% of all American adults are overweight, 34% are obese, and 6% are morbidly obese. The numbers don't get any better. In Georgia, for instance, over 27% of the people are obese. That's obese, people, not just overweight, but obese. It's a scary trend, and one that can easily be explained by the so-called typical American lifestyle of too much driving, too little exercise, and a diet that consists mainly of processed foods with high amounts of sugar, fats, and other bad stuff.

But explaining it isn't enough. It's obvious that something needs to be done, especially when you consider that more and more Americans are suffering from weight-related diseases such as diabetes, and that each year I see well-built, healthy students easily put on twenty pounds over the course of one semester, while still continuing to munch on chips, popcorn, and beef jerky during class.

Since it seems as though hell will freeze over before Georgia would make PE mandatory in all of its elementary and secondary schools, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Last week, during the mid-class five minute break, one of my students asked me what a triathlon was. They had read the little "meet your faculty!" bulletin board, and discovered that I had completed four triathlons. In an attempt to lengthen their break, they thought they would take the "get the instructor to talk about their personal life" route, and ask me about them. When I told them a triathlon entailed swimming, biking, and running, pandemonium broke out; "Please tell me you only have to pick one!", "What?! All three those things?", "Only crazy people do that!", "I can barely run at all.", "Dang, I break into a sweat when I walk up the stairs", and so on.
So I surveyed the classroom filled with students munching on snacks, drinking sodas, and diving into the french fries they had picked up before class, and told them that really, they should be running circles around me. I told them I was old, had kids, responsibilities, like a hundred hours per week, and spend more time each day in my car than they spend in this class each week. But they were not to be dissuaded, no, there was no way they could do it. No. Way. Running was hard. No one they knew ever rode their bikes. And swimming? Well, that was just not an option. In short, exercise was nasty.

As you all know, I live to make my students' lives miserable while trying to teach them important life lessons. So upon hearing all of that, I immediately knew what that semester's extra credit activity was going to be. And so I announced, to a class full of perplexed students, "I am going to organize a 5k. Here on campus. And anyone who finishes in under 30 minutes will earn 5% extra credit. It's absolutely ridiculous that you guys are super young and I'm in better shape than you, and so we're going to change that. What's the point of you all becoming super successful media producers and researchers if you're going to die of diabetes at age fifty? I don't want that on my conscience. So we are going to run.You are going to run."

In the spirit of something I'd like to call Cover your Hiney, I also offered an alternative for those who did not want to, or could not run: to complete the online NIH research ethics training.

Even though this NIH training is not what you might call exciting, or stimulating, I half expected all of my students to sign up for the training, but so far, everyone has really taken to the idea of running in the race. My other classes have asked to participate, and one of the sororities on campus has offered to organize the run. It's actually threatening to turn from a fun, impromptu run, into a seriously big event. And I just realized if I want to prevent my little runner's hiney from getting in trouble, I better let the chair and the dean know what I'm up to. Because, you know, there is no way we can hide a hundred students thundering around campus.