On mothers and dogs

Sooner or later, we all start acting, at least in part, like our mothers. Now I love my mother dearly, and would not trade her for anyone else, but there are some things that she would do, that I promised I would stay away from. Very, very far away. It included things like rhubarb, loafers, and certain phrases. Although I haven't eaten rhubarb in decades, and almost always wear heels, I can't say that I kept my promise regarding some of her beloved sayings. Don't you ever catch yourself saying something, and then hear your mother say the exact same thing decades earlier? It happens to me on a more than regular basis. I have found myself saying things like; "Do I look like your maid?" to my boys, while I vowed I would never resort to such passive aggressive responses, and instead voice my frustration straight out. Or I hear myself sighing deeply in the same way my mother used to that would not only drive me insane, but also have me exclaim at her that if there was a problem, she should just say so. And if I' m really angry, I will totally go into mother mode, and snap that there is absolutely nothing wrong. Although it may be normal, it´s not pretty.

But the past few weeks, I've found that I've turned into my mother in more ways than I could have ever imagined. You see, when my brother and I grew up, we wanted a dog. We wanted it so badly, we would create wish lists for Christmas and birthdays that started with a page of all the different kinds of dogs we wanted, and then the other presents, and a caveat that if we could have a dog, we would forego of our other wishes. But my mother wasn't exactly in favor of a dog. We had rabbits, guinneapigs, fish, and birds, but up until that magical day in 5th grade, we did not have a dog. My mother did eventually cave in, and loved our dog as much, if not more, than we did. And I vowed that once I moved out, I would always have a dog, and never worry about things like ruined carpets, long walks in the rain, and vet's visits.

However, things did not quite play out that way, and up until this summer, we were never allowed to own a dog. When we finally bought our own home, the opportunity was finally there, and husband-dear and the boys couldn't wait to go and get a puppy. But that's where the "mother" in me reared her head, and found herself saying things like "But we work all day", and "Who will walk the dog in the rain", and "we've just bought brand new rugs, what if she ruins them?". In short, I was a carbon copy of my mother years and years ago. I'm not quite sure how or where that happened, but suddenly, I understand my mother's hesitation.

My family has been begging me to go to adoption day at PetSmart with them, but, like my mother, I have refused. I know that when I see all those little puppies, I will want to take all of them home, and then where would we be. I know, stuck with twenty puppies for a decade and a half. I know I want a puppy, and I know we'll get one soon..but I need to reason with my inner mother first.