The ATL

As a rule of thumb, I don't like forwarded emails. But this one was so funny, and so true, I simply had to share it. I recognized almost all of them (cow-tipping included), let's see how far you can get!

"Atlanta
This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, who has ever lived in Atlanta,
has visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who lives
in Atlanta, knows anyone who has ever visited Atlanta or anyone who has
ever heard of Atlanta, Georgia.

1. Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets. The only way to get out
of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach
Greenville, South Carolina. All directions start with, "Go down
Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House."
Except that in Cobb County, all directions begin with, "Go to the Big
Chicken and..." Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to
be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree Place, Peachtree Lane,
Peachtree Road, Peachtree Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace,
Peachtree Ave, Peachtree Commons, Peachtree Battle, Peachtree Corners,
New Peachtree, Old Peachtree, West Peachtree, Peachtree-Dunwoody,
Peachtree-Chamblee, or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.

2. Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask
anyone for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.

3. Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. That's all we drink here, so don't ask
for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. And even then
it's still "Coke." A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or
pop...it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda
coke you want?"

4. Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport is 32 miles away
from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.

5. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you
started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has
posted signs to that effect, so that out-of-towners don't feel
lost...they're just on a scenic drive.

6. The 8:00 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5:00 PM rush hour is
from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon, and
lasts through 2:00 AM Saturday.

7. "Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a
remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are.

8. A native can only pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue one way, so do not
attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads
to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnss duh
LEE-on"

9. The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to immediately forget
all traffic rules; so will daylight savings time, a girl applying eye
shadow in the next car, or a flat tire three lanes over.

10. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days, and
it's on all the TV channels and radio stations as a news flash every 15
minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk,
bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

11. If there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people will be
on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard" tee-shirts, not to
mention the fact that all schools will close at the slightest possible
chance of snow.

12. Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life and a permanent form
of entertainment, especially when a water line is "tapped" by the
construction crew and Atlanta's version of "Old Faithful" erupts.
Also, construction crews are not doing their jobs properly unless they close
down all major streets during rush hour.

13. Atlantans are very proud of our racetrack, known as Road Atlanta. It
winds throughout the city on the Interstates, hence its name.
Actually, I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta, has a posted speed
limit of 55 mph (but, you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from
getting run over) and is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
The Georgia 400 is our equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely see a
semi-truck on GA 400, because even the truck drivers are intimidated by
the oversized SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day
at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school
bus coming home from the college prep preschool.

14. The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless
(1) your car is armored, (2) your trigger finger is itchy and (3) your
AK-47 has a full clip.

15. The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy, which starts
at 120. Atlanta is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads,
vehicles, houses - everything - is yellow from March 28th to July 15th.
If you have any allergies, you will die. But other than that, it's a
great place to live!

16. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

17 .There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia.

18. There are 10000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a
couple no one's ever seen before.

19. Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are
ripe.

20. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

21. Georgians don't really seem to grasp the concept that a tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

22. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

23. It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.

24. Fire ants consider your flesh a picnic.

25. People actually grow, eat and like okra!

26. "Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to da sto').

27. There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There's only dinner - and, then,
there's supper.

28. Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you're 2.

29. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it
is. And anyway, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

30. You know you're from Georgia if: (1) You measure distance in minutes or
beers, or (2) You know what a 'dawg' is.

31. You can see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in
it, no matter what time of the day or time of year.

32. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,
grain, insect or animal.

33. You install security lights on your house and garage - and then leave
both unlocked.

34. You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car.

35. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are. But, if your
friends have talked you into snipe huntin' more than once, you gotta be
from Alabama or somewhere.

36. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Texas Pete.

37. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but
need 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

38. You know that the first day of deer huntin' season should be a national
holiday.

39. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm" and go for your jacket
when it gets below 80.

40. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and
Christmas.

41. Going to Walmart is a favorite past time known as "goin wal-martin" or
off to Wally World"

42. Fried Catfish is the other white meat."