Driving home for Christmas

So you would think that with all this time off, I would have oodles of time for my blog. At least, that's what I thought. But I guess I was wrong, because the past few days have been very busy. There are television shows to watch, Christmas decorations to gawk at, books to read, people to go see, Starbucks to go visit, and a myriad of volunteering activities that have kept me away from my computer. Interestingly, I also thought I would not be doing any driving either, however, a quick gaze at my car tells me that since getting gas on Monday, I've driven a whopping 75 miles. Now we don't live miles outside of town, and I haven't made any trips outside of the area, so those 75 miles were spent on the roads of our humble little city. And let me tell you, every single mile was an exercise in patience and curbing frustration. Because I have had to come to the conclusion that once all these people get home for Christmas, they better stay there, 'cause they cannot drive.

I know I've complained about drivers from Florida not knowing how to navigate the interstate, hogging the middle lane, not letting people merge, and generally just not paying attention. But if they got their license with a box of CrackerJacks, then people in our town got their license with the K-Mart cheap rip-off version of CrackerJacks. Seriously.

For starters, can I please put in a request for everyone to start using their blinker? It's that little stalk on the side of your steering wheel, and it's really neat, because once you turn it on, and go around a curve, it will turn off on its own! I've always been amazed by that little feat, and I think more people need to experience that little miracle. Because, in all honesty, there is nothing more frustrating than waiting to make a left turn, only to find that the six cars you're waiting for are all turning too. Or how about those numerous occasions when I'm just happily trucking along, singing to the music on my radio, lost in Christmas thoughts, and am forced to SLAM my brakes because the enormous SUV in front of me decided that YES! THIS IS THE TURN RIGHT HERE! and goes from 45mph to zero in about ten feet, because we all know that a) the people behind us know exactly where we are going, and so there is no need to worry about using blinkers, and b) turns can only be taken after we have come to a complete stop.

Now in all honesty, the incident above can really be blamed as much on our city planners as our drivers. You see, our town is nothing more than a collection of strip malls. We have four major streets, and these are are lined with so-called "shopping plazas". This translates into little, poorly marked entries and exits every thirty feet, with people stopping and turning, or pulling out in front of you without any kind of warning. What we need is a real pedestrianized downtown. But in order to get that, we should have had an electorate smart enough to, this past November, vote for the mayoral candidate who was going to realize that. And apparently we don't. So for the next six years, I will be complaining about this. Be forewarned.

Oh, and may I also kindly request people stop riding my butt when I'm doing eight miles over the speed limit already? I mean, all of our major roads are four-lane highways, and here's a thought, that means you can PASS me. What a novel concept. And if you are going to pass me, please, please, don't slam on your brakes ten feet later, to turn into "Edward's Styling and Nail Salon", because that salon did not just pop up out of thin air. We may be fast builders in that town, but not that fast. I don't care what kind of hair emergency you have, it can wait for the two seconds it will take you longer to get there doing 48mph.

And yes, for all those crazy people on base who are apparently dying to lose their on-base driving privileges, I have one simple rule on base: I. Follow. All. The. Rules. And I'm serious. You want to know why I insist on coming to a complete stop at at a stop sign? Because for one thing, the law enforcement on base has nothing better to do than pursue traffic violations. We're a pretty well-behaved base, so that's what they do, they hide behind trees to catch people doing 2 miles over the speed limit or not coming to a COMPLETE and UTTER stop before turning right on red. And second, these people don't do warnings. You get pulled over, you know that a) you'll get a ticket, b) you'll get points docked on your license, and c) you have just committed a federal offense. Yes, indeed, speeding or running a stop sign, or doing any of a million other seemingly harmless traffic violations on base is a federal offense. And let me tell you, I can really do without that on my record. So thank you for backing the heck off.

And finally, can we all just get off our cellphones? Your driving is under par as is, and texting or talking to your BFF while navigating a left-hand turn in a school zone is not helping. The same goes for applying makeup, or mixing sweetener into your Eggnog latte. Just drive. Please.