Yahweh, God, and nothing at all

Separation of church and state is a serious matter in this country. Very serious. It almost eclipses the firing of the Dallas Cowboys coach earlier this week. Almost. Both proponents and opponents have spend millions of dollars on websites, court cases, and generally trying to convince the other side that they're wrong, and the constitution really implies that God should/should not be a part of this country's government. Poor Ben Franklin has been quoted by both sides, and if either side is to be believed George Washington was either a die-hard baptist or avant-la-lettre postmodern atheist. I've heard about court cases about placing the ten commandments in a courthouse, crosses on federal land, and whether or not the placement of a nativity scene/Christmas tree/Menorah on the lawn of a police station/public school/city hall/court house is legal.

The entire debate on what to teach in public schools is equally interesting. Especially the debate centered on science classes. Apparently, various states have been dealing with the debate whether or not it's legal to put "evolution is a theory not a fact" stickers on science books that teach evolution. Although a federal judge in Georgia outlawed this practice in 2005, several other states are still toting the sticker. Opponents of the sticker will argue it's an attempt by the religious right to introduce the teaching of creationism in schools, and thus bring religion into the public school system, while proponents will tell you that evolution is not a proven fact, therefore putting it on a par with creationism/intelligent design, which should thus also be taught to our young innocent children. As a scientist, however, all I can do is giggle and tell you to bring on the stickers, and while we're at it, engage our children in an ethical debate on what constitutes "truth", "fact", and introduce the notion of falsificationism just for the fun of it.

You see, those stickers are right: evolution really is nothing more than a theory. It's not a fact. It's what we think happened, but it's not the truth. Science is not out to uncover the truth. The purpose of science to find out whichever solution is most likely, which we then accept until we can disprove it. So nothing we consider "fact" is really a fact. Gravity is nothing more than a theory either. It's very well possible that we're held down to earth by large, pink, invisible octopuses whose suckers on the ends of their invisible tentacles keep us from floating away. It's unlikely, indeed, but a possibility. So although evolution is very likely, it's by no means The Truth. Having said that, however, I would like to once and for all squash the idea that that puts it on the same level as creationism, i.e., the belief that a deity created the earth in six days and rested on the seventh. That's a belief, not a tested theory. And although you are free to believe whatever you wish, I'm not sure if we want to center our teachings on our personal beliefs (as personally I believe that life would be so much better if we all took naps in the afternoon and drank more green tea).

Anyway, I digress. The point is that in the United States, the idea that any government agency or organization touts a specific religious belief is considered unacceptable by most people. The military is a prime example of how this works. For although they have chaplains, these people have to represent all religions, which can very well mean that a southern baptist chaplain will defend a Jewish member's right to wear a yarmulke one moment, and reserve the chapel for the base's wiccan group next. And whenever a chaplain is asked to offer a convocation (non-religious term used to replace the term "prayer"), they get incredibly creative. One specific chaplain presiding over a unit holiday party managed to use "yahweh", "Jesus", "Allah" all in one "convocation". while also paying service to the atheists by addressing the importance of listening to the self and working on personal growth and responsibility.

So when you send your kids to the local public school, you know not to expect any reference to religion. No prayers, no reference to religious holidays (and if they do mention, say Christmas, they have to discuss all other religious feasts as well), and no teachers touting God, Jesus, Yahweh, or Allah as the solution to all problems.

When we moved to the south, however, I expected the worst. I mean, this is the part of the world where people will gladly give 10% of their income to a mega-church run by a pastor driving a Lexus, but balk at paying $10 more in tag fees to the state can built a much-needed level 1 trauma center. But, until last week all was well. No zealot teachers, no iffy statements, no hint of creationism. All was well.

And then a few days ago, Ozzie, the oldest, came home with the statement that his substitute teacher was, in his words "a religious idiot". Now you should know that although his father and I are Christian, Ozzie is currently (or possibly forever) in an atheist phase. He doesn't know what to believe, so he opts to believe in nothing. And we accept that, although that doesn't preclude us from dragging him to church every Sunday. So anyway, when Mr. Substitute embarked on teaching science, and started telling the students that evolution scientists were morons and had it all wrong Ozzie perked up. And bless his heart, he spoke up, and told Mr. Substitute he wasn't quite sure that was right. Well, Mr. Substitute ignored Ozzie, but told the class that anyone who didn't believe that God created the earth was going to H-E-double-hockey sticks (real southern baptists can't say "hell").

Now I beg your pardon, but no one besides myself, Ozzie's dad, and his bio-mom are allowed to tell him he's going anywhere. No $70 a day substitute whose sole job is to keep the kids from tearing up the room is going to tell my son that he is going to hell. No. Way. Let alone tell him what's right and what's wrong, and who's a moron and who isn't. We can do that at home thank you very much. If you just teach science, we'll do the rest. Thanks.

So now I'm working on a pointy email to the school. I'm so incoherently overwhelmed by Mr. Substitute's stupidity however, that I'm really not sure what to write. I want to write about how we will yank Ozzie out of public school and put in him in a far better private school, if all the private schools in the area weren't baptist or methodist, and that would kind of defeat the purpose. I have also considered relaying the story and then putting "What the $%^@?", but that doesn't quite seem to capture my message either. I could of course just do the American thing and sue the school. At any rate, I don't know yet. But I did tell Ozzie that next time that substitute teacher says anything, he should quote that verse from the bible about casting the first stone. You know, fight fire with fire.