Birthdays and things

When it comes to celebrating major events, I know, as one half of an international couple, that these can be tricky occasions. We sometimes find ourselves talking for hours about a certain holiday, hashing out the most mundane details just to prevent nasty surprises and subsequent cultural wars. Christmas is of course the kicker; we come from such diverse backgrounds that this holiday required days of round-table discussions where we expressed expectations, pondered the different options, and came up with a scenario that was acceptable to both of us. We even conduct a little post-Christmas evaluation each year. These evaluations, although they may sound hilarious, at times lead to very revealing findings. This year, for instance. I discovered that breakfast without candles just did not work for me. Call me an idiot, but there you have it. We've had round-table talks about Thanksgiving (a fairly short one, since this is not a European holiday), Halloween, New Year's, Easter (again, an easy one), and Sinterklaas (husband-dear left that one up to me). The one major event that we have somehow never had to talk about, and yet have molded into our own, overwhelmingly European-style celebration, would be the birthday. This weekend, as we celebrated my birthday, I found myself wondering how this was possible, since there are some distinct differences between Dutch and American birthday celebrations.

For one thing, when should you open the birthday presents? I used to think the answer to this was clear-cut and simple. Until I met my husband. He thought his answer was clear-cut and simple too. Only it was completely different from mine. He scenario for giving presents was indeed very simple. You would either give the presents after work, if the birthday was on a weekday, or right after breakfast if it fell on a weekend. My scenario could not have been any different. In my world, receiving presents from immediate family is a long-standing tradition with clear rules and regulations. The first rule is it must be celebrated on a weekend. A second regulation entails the entire family getting up early, sneaking downstairs and decorating the house while the birthday boy or girl lies in bed, wide awake, listening to all the noises downstairs in excitement. The next step involves the entire family marching into the birthday girl or boy's room while singing a loud and off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday". The birthday boy or girl is then presented with all her gifts, and breakfast in bed. A bylaw involves the family pets; any cats or dogs are at this point in time allowed to jump on the bed, as an exception to the usual rules.
Although my tradition is far more complicated than my husband's, it somehow defeated his more simple celebration. So this weekend I was awoken by singing family members, each holding their presents and a breakfast tray.

Present-giving becomes even more complicated when it comes to friends and family members who come to see you later in the day. In Europe, most everyone I know opens the presents right when you get them. But some of my American friends prefer to wait until everyone has arrived, and then open presents all at once. Somehow, I feel slightly uncomfortable, as I feel that I need to make sure that my present measures up to everyone else's. And I always wonder what they do when two people give them the same thing. When you open presents right at the door, at least you could pretend (in that good old southern way) like you've never seen such a lovely doorstop/vase/corkscrew/candlestick holder before. But what do you do when everyone sees you open two of the same things? Needless to say, I still open my presents at the door, while my husband waits patiently until everyone has arrived. It's a happy compromise.

But when it comes to cake-eating, my husband's tradition won out. In Holland, once you reach adulthood, your birthday cake is usually simple, and served to people when they come in. There is no singing, and no candles to blow out. Not so with my husband's family. All of our cakes are sumptuously decorated (only last year, my husband's read "Older than dirt"), and they are only served after everyone at the party has gathered around the table and sang "happy birthday". I have to admit that being sung to somehow makes that birthday buzz that you had when you were a little child return. It's great.

Now I have to admit that I was never much in favor of the "let's sit around a coffee table in a circle and talk" kind of parties that most Dutch adults I know seem to favor. Both my husband and I are of the "you either celebrate it well, or not at all" school of thought, so that was an easy topic to agree on. I'm not sure if this is an American thing, or just a "Dixiechick and her husband thing". But either way it's great. My last birthday party in Europe involved rock-climbing and frozen margaritas, and this year, my husband suggested renting a bouncy castle, and buying a new blender so we could make frozen margaritas.

Since celebrating our birthdays never involved as much talk as any of the other holidays, I think that during our next roundtable meeting, I am going to suggest replacing the more difficult events with another birthday celebration. I mean, we have got to get our money's worth out of that blender, right? :)